That night, I couldn’t shake the thoughts swirling in my head. Ever since that photoshoot, something felt off and it had nothing to do with the work. It was about Lan. I found myself thinking about him more often, and it was starting to mess with my head. Maybe it was just because we had been spending so much time together. Or maybe it was something else, something I wasn’t ready to admit.
I sat there on the couch, pretending to focus on the TV, but my mind was somewhere else. I couldn’t help but wonder had I started to feel something for Lan? No, that couldn’t be it. I wasn’t… like that. Right?
I sighed, frustrated with myself. Maybe I was just overthinking things. It had been a while since I’d been with anyone, especially after I'm with the girl incident. Maybe all I needed was a night out, something to clear my head. I glanced over at Lan who was sitting on the other side of the room, flipping through his phone.
I stood up, stretching my arms. “Hey, uh… I’m heading out for a bit,” I said, trying to sound casual. “Got some plans.”
Lan looked up from his phone, his expression unreadable. “Where are you going?”
I hesitated for a second. “Just meeting some friends. I’ll be back later,” I replied, not wanting to get into too much detail. I wasn’t about to tell him I was planning to hit the bars and maybe hook up with someone. That felt… strange to say out loud, especially to him.
Lan nodded, his gaze lingering on me for a moment longer before he returned to his phone. “Alright. Be careful,” he said simply.
I grabbed my jacket and headed for the door, feeling a strange sense of relief and guilt all at once. I needed this night out. I needed to remind myself who I was and what I wanted. This thing with Lan it was probably just because we been stuck in the same space for so long.
Tonight, I will clear my head and get back to the Xian I knew.
The club was already packed when I arrived, the music pounding in my ears as I made my way through the crowd. I ordered a drink, scanning the room for a distraction. Women were everywhere dancing, laughing, talking. This was what I needed. Just one night to forget about everything. About Lan.
A girl approached me, smiling, and I smiled back, feeling a little more like myself again. We started talking, and soon enough, we were dancing, her hands on my shoulders, and mine resting on her waist. But no matter how close she got, or how hard I tried to focus on her, I couldn’t get Lan out of my head.
I shook my head, trying to push the thought away. This was supposed to help, not make things worse.
The night dragged on and by the time I stepped outside for some air, I realized that this wasn’t working. No matter how many drinks I had or how many girls I talked to, my mind kept drifting back to Lan. To the way he looked at me during the shoot. To the way he been slowly opening up to me. To the way his presence had started to feel like… home.
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. What the hell was happening to me?
As I stood there on the sidewalk, the girl I’d been talking to earlier came up beside me, slipping her arm through mine. “You wanna get out of here?” she asked, her voice soft and inviting.
I looked down at her, my mind screaming that this was exactly what I needed. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t. I wasn’t here because I wanted to be with her—I was here because I was running from something else. From someone else.
“Nah,” I said, gently pulling my arm away. “I think I’m gonna head home.”
I stumbled into the condo, feeling the weight of the alcohol and the confusion still heavy on me. The dim lights inside barely illuminated the room, but there was no mistaking the figure sitting on the sofa. Lan. He was waiting for me—why? I couldn’t tell.
