"Sasha?" we both looked up to see who'd said my name. "Simon?" he looked different. His green eyes darted back and forth, unable to settle on my face. "What's up?" His hands shook slightly. He seemed to notice and shoved them into his jean pockets. "Can I talk to you?" I looked him up and down. Something was definitely wrong. I nodded and started to stand up. Will took my arm, worry in his dark eyes, so very different from Simon's. "It's okay." I assured him, even though I had some doubts myself.
Keeping his hands in his pockets, Simon led me into a different section of the library. No one seemed to be around. The perfect place to talk privately. "Can you tell me what's wrong now?" He took his hands out of his pockets and started rubbing his knuckles, which I noticed were red from the night he hurt Will. "I wanted to say I'm sorry." I shook my head. "You've said that a million times. What makes you think that this time would mean anything." His head hung low. He looked horrible, like something heavy was weighing on him. Was the guilt of what he'd done hurting him this badly? "I know that this apology means absolutely nothing. Why would it? After all the shitty things I've done to you and..." he trailed off, unable to speak Will's name. "I'm terrible." I put my hand on his shaking arm. "Simon, you're not -" he jerked away from my touch, looking up at me with tears in his eyes. "I am, Sasha. How could you even begin to say that." his voice cracked slightly. "I hurt you. I pushed you up against the wall that day thinking that you had to take me back. You just had to. I was so jealous of you and Will, that I," he paused, wiping the tears that escaped his eyes. "Simon it's fine. I-" He fell to the ground, head hanging between his knees. "Quit it, Sash. I can't take it." He looked up at me with his puffy red eyes. "That jealousy turned me into a different person. I went out with Lauren while you spent time with Will. I hoped she'd give me the same feeling you did. I hoped so much that I broke up with you because I didn't think you loved me anymore. I thought you loved him, and I didn't want you to stay with someone you didn't love." The way he said him, so quietly, as if he wasn't even real. "But it never felt the same with Lauren. Every kiss, every touch, I could only think of you. I got so angry passing you two in the halls, watching you smile and laugh together. So I went to you in that music room. And who showed up? Him. After that, I don't know what happened to me. I was humiliated for being beaten by him and there I was alone. The jealousy just kept building up in me and I knew what I needed to do. The next time I saw you two, I'd do something about it. That time turned out to be a lot sooner than I thought. When I saw you guys at that pizza place, acting all buddy buddy, it felt like a punch in the chest. I don't even remember the rest of the night. It's all a blur. I just remember you being thrown against the wall, and Simon all twisted up at my feet. And the feeling that I did that to someone. I beat him bloody. I beat you bloody." His head fell down again. "That night I felt worse than terrible. I went out with the friends I had with me. We drank. I drank more than they thought I even could. Ended up with me passing out, my friend had to carry me to his car to take me home." He rubbed his knuckles again. "I laid in bed the next day, I couldn't do much besides that. But I knew I had to see how you were. So I pulled on my boots, and I drove to your house. Nobody answered the door so I figured you were out by the lake." The lake. I'd forgotten. Will wasn't the only one I'd shared secret kisses with there. "And there you two were, sitting on the bench. Kissing like the night before hadn't even happened." A few more tears leaked out of his eyes. "I didn't want to intrude, so I drove home. I didn't leave my room at all that weekend, even though friends asked me to go out with them. I finally felt what you must've felt when I left you. Lonely." I sat down right in front of him and put a hand on his knee. He didn't move away this time. "I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I just let the regret and guilt of what I'd done consume me. And now here I am, saying these things to the person I know doesn't give a shit about. And you shouldn't because I deserve every ounce of what I'm getting." He covered his face with his hands. I moved to sit next to him, putting my arm gently around his shoulders. How could he beat himself up so badly over this? Why didn't he come talk to me sooner? I felt sick. Sick at the thought that I had something to do with this. And I knew that he'd done horrible things to both me and Will, but I was prepared to forgive him. He'd already paid enough for it. "Simon? Simon look at me." I commanded. He removed his hands from his eyes and turned to look at me. "It's all forgiven. Everything. You don't need to hurt yourself over it." His eyes still held unshed tears, that released themselves every few seconds. "How could you forgive me?" he croaked. "How, after how much I hurt you?" I took a deep breath and released it. "Because I know you mean it. That you're sorry." we sat there for a moment. He sniffed every now and then, but other than that, it was completely silent. I spoke up first. "I wasn't with Will back then you know. I felt the same way seeing you with Lauren that you felt when you saw him with me." He wiped what was left of the dry tears off of his face. "But I got over it. Because I was done being hung up on a guy that I loved who cheated on me with some other girl. And now..." I trailed off unsure how to move any further. Simon picked it up. "And now you're together." He croaked quietly. There was something so defeated in his voice that made my heart squeeze. I nodded. "Yeah, we are. But, I don't want to act like this anymore Si." I used his nickname, hoping it would comfort him. "I want to go back to being friends." He looked at me. But I didn't see hate. I didn't see anger. His eyes were sad, but they held some hope in them. The slightest hint of his cocky smile appeared on his face. "As long as you're happy, I'm happy. And of course I want to be friends again, Sash. I don't want you out of my life forever." I wrapped my arms around him and he buried his face in my shoulder. I froze for a moment, feeling like someone was watching us, but brushed it off, there wasn't anyone around. After a few moments staying in our embrace, he pulled away, a full smile on his face. I kissed his cheek. "Alright, Si. Let's see what Will thinks about all this."
