Martini Kisses (epistolary) ✔️

n a r r a t i v e

It feels like death, every step she's taking to him because she knows where this is heading, where she is leading them.

Her heart won't stop twisting inside her chest. Kai is just behind the gates. The dread she feels knowing how angry and burned out he is because of her makes her pause for a minute. Is she ready to see that? The consequences of her selfish decisions?

Is she ready to face him after all this time, knowing they can't be together, even when all she wants to do is run back to him and beg him to never leave her like everyone else has done?

She's not. She can never be.

But she continues forward, preparing herself for his anger.

After all the shit she put him through, it's only right. She left without proper closure after all. Even after everything he did for her, even after all the sacrifices. All that, down the drain, because she's a fucking coward. If the roles had been reversed, if she were the one in his shoes right now, Milly's sure she wouldn't have been able to handle it like how he's doing now.

That's not surprising to her anymore. Kai's always been different from everyone else.

He's level-headed when she's not. Her only anchor amidst all this chaos.

Milly bites back the tears. Pinching the skin of her hand, she takes a deep breath to force down the lump in her throat.

She reminds herself that she deserves this, all the cold and anger. All the frustrations. If he decides to unleash it all on her, she's determined to embrace all of it.

She's the one who walked away. She doesn't have any right to even feel right now.

Her hands keep shaking when she opens the gates. Kai's already expecting her when they swing open. In that first second when their gazes finally meet, her breathing almost stops and holds.

Gods.

This man, the only man she's ever loved.

Now looking at her with all kinds of anger, and all kinds of disappointment, his face now rough and hardened by exhaustion.

As she expects, his anger's already burning off of him when he edges closer to her.

She can't breathe.

She said this was for their own good, for his own good.

So why does it feel like she's killing them both?

"Sino 'yon?" Kai bites out, his breathing harsh, his fists clenched tightly at his sides. "Sino yung lalaking 'yon?"

Milly winces at his sharp tone. "That's Sio. Just a colleague I know from one of my gigs. He's a musician too, like me. He asked for a favor 'cause he needed to boost his career. That's why I agreed to collab with him at the music fest. But that's it," she explains, almost pleading. "There's nothing between us. That kiss... I didn't know he would do that. Wala 'yon sa usapan." She lowers her head. "I'm sorry. I should've been more careful."

The look he gives her is long and searching. Like he's looking for the answers in her eyes that she's not sure are even there. Not when she's a mess like this.

Not when what she wants and what she must do are battling in her head like storm and wild fire.

She looks away, unable to bear the weight of his unspoken questions.

Kai sighs, and she feels his anger wearing out.

"At ikaw? Anong ginawa mo nitong dalawang buwan?" he asks, the hardness of his voice giving out into something she recognizes.