Martini Kisses (epistolary) ✔️

n a r r a t i v e 🔞

part 3

How many times has it been since they started?

Milly can't tell anymore. All she knows is she's been with him more times than she's been with anyone else, and his effect is still the same.

She wants him now, even when he's already on top of her, inside her, the closest he can ever be.

His forehead creases when he leans forward to access her deeper, his arms propped beside her face carrying his weight, and she bites her lips at the building tension in her stomach.

If not for the blinding haze of the pleasure, she would've continued watching his face.

Kai's hot, that's a fact.

But he's even hotter like this when he's committed to taking care of her body, and she knows she's the one who's making him feel equally good.

Lately, she's been wanting that. Make him feel good. Make him happy. Please him. Pacify him.

Give in to him.

In a way that she's never felt or done for anyone before. And it makes her ache every time she gets reminded of that look of betrayal and dejection that she saw on his face that night when she decided to end their arrangement.

The memory comes back unbidden, and she shakes it away by wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her. As if it can undo her mistake.

"Sorry," she whispers, burying her nose into his neck.

His movements halt, and the friction between their bodies quickly follows. Kai lifts himself up to glance at her face, looking worried and confused.

"I'm sorry," she repeats.

"For what?"

Milly cups his cheek and runs her thumb over his lips. "For what I did. That night. I'm still regretting it."

His brows furrow in worry, and his eyes swim, searching hers. "Are you okay?"

The concern underlining his voice makes her chest squeeze even more because he's always like this. Always. The type to ask how she feels everytime she pulls anything out of the ordinary-and gods, how much she likes him for that.

"Yes... No..." she answers none too quickly. "No, I was just thinking... how difficult it is to be vulnerable with someone. But how it was more difficult being away from you. I was afraid I wouldn't be like this with you again."

His brows knit forward even more. Kai straightens up and tries to pull out of her, but she stills him with her arms. "Don't stop."

"Let's talk about this properly."

"No, continue. Keep going."

Kai looks hesitant. "You're sure?"

"Yes. Continue. I don't wanna stop."

Kai hovers over her again, reaches for her hand, and presses his nose to the underside of her wrist. "You're not the only one who was deathly afraid of losing this. My home had traces of you when you left. My sheets smelled like you. Your vanilla and strawberries. I was afraid they would fade eventually. I remembered you everywhere I turned."

She gently runs her fingers across the shape of his face before she pulls him back down for a kiss, and not long after, their rhythm begins again, and she's losing, losing herself in him, losing herself in the way he makes her feel. And she knows he's the same.

Only the heavy bursts of his breathing against her neck keeps her grounded, and she knows it's not the right time but she needs to ask now before her cowardice gets the best of her. Before all the ghosts in her past catches up to her.