𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃, billie eilish

𝓶𝔂 𝓫𝓸𝔂 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝔂 𝓫𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓼 𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓯𝓪𝓿𝓸𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮 𝓽𝓸𝔂𝓼

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i'll spend forever wondering
if you knew.
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i sit on the bed, staring at the shattered pieces of what once was. billie's words still hang in the air, haunting, lingering in a way i can't shake. i wish i didn't care so much, but every time i try to pull myself together, the pieces seem to fall apart again. i wonder if this is what it means to love someone who's afraid of breaking—afraid of being broken themselves.

she used to look at me like i was everything, like i was her world. those moments felt perfect, like we were puzzle pieces finally clicking into place. we'd laugh, we'd talk for hours, and every time she'd smile at me, i felt like i was invincible. but it was too good, wasn't it? too real, too much.

because billie... she always leaves before things get too close. she always pulls back just when i start to feel like this time, it might actually last. it's like the second i start to believe in something solid between us, she panics, smashing the connection before it can get too strong, before she has to face it.

she breaks the things she loves, doesn't she? that's what it feels like. like i was this beautiful thing she pulled off the shelf, played with, admired... but the moment i showed her the deepest parts of me, the moment i started to feel, she got scared. and she broke it. she broke us.

i let out a bitter laugh, wiping away the tears that threaten to fall. you should've seen her when she first saw me i thought to myself, remembering how bright her eyes were, how alive she seemed when we first started this. it's funny how things change.

but then i think—maybe it's me. maybe i'm the one who's too easy to break. maybe i let myself fall too hard, too fast, and now i'm left here, trying to figure out what went wrong.

the door creaks open, and billie walks in, her eyes meeting mine. there's something in her gaze—guilt, regret, something that tells me she knows what she's done. she stands there for a moment, like she's debating whether to come closer or turn and leave again.

"evelyn..." her voice is soft, almost pleading.

i shake my head, trying to keep my composure. "don't. don't say anything. just... just leave it."

but she doesn't move. she just stands there, watching me, and i wonder if she's feeling the same thing i am. the same pull, the same hurt.

"i never meant to hurt you," she whispers.

i laugh, but there's no humor in it. "you always hurt me, billie. that's the problem. you get scared, and you run. you break us before we even get a chance to be anything."

her lips tremble, but she doesn't deny it. she knows. she knows she's the one who always pulls the plug, who always smashes things when they get too real.

and yet... i still love her. god, i still love her.

"why do you always do this?" i ask, my voice cracking. "why do you always break the things you care about?"

she doesn't answer right away. instead, she takes a step closer, her eyes softening. "because i'm afraid," she finally admits. "i'm afraid of what it means to love someone like you. someone who sees me, who knows me. and that scares the hell out of me."

i look away, the tears finally falling. "you don't have to be afraid. not with me."

she reaches out, her fingers brushing against mine, and for a moment, i want to believe her. i want to believe that maybe, just maybe, this time will be different. but i don't know if i can. not anymore.

she sighs, pulling back just enough to let go. "i'm sorry," she whispers, and with that, she's gone again.

i'm left standing there, staring at the space where she was, wondering how many more times i'll let her break me before i finally walk away for good. because the truth is... i don't know if i can stop loving her. even if she's always going to be the one to break me.

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i was enchanted to meet you.
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