𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕃𝕖𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕕 𝕠𝕗 ℤ𝕖𝕝𝕕𝕒 𝕆𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕤

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys || College AU! Dark

Oh, here we go again
The voices in his head
Ring out louder than our midnight sighs
The sickest army doll
Purchased at the mall
Rivulets descend my plastic smile 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

I wish I could tell you about the moment I knew it was over.

If only there was a sign—a really good sign—that it was over. Alas, there was not a moment. I'll never know the moment he decided it wasn't me he wanted.

I don't think I'll ever know. It's just like how I know I'll never get closure.

Something about Dark is that he never lets me get far enough away to ever really let go of him, but he never lets me close enough to ever be anything more. Because of that, he'll always have a place in my heart whether I want him to or not.

It's nights like this that I try to imagine what spelled our downfall.

Were we always destined to fail?

Did he always know he was going to break up with me?

Were all his promises just some sick game of love bombing?

Was it something I did that spurred on it all?

Was it my mental health that ruined our chances at being together?

If I was in a better place, would our relationship been able to be salvageable?

That Friday night was the last time he ever slept over with me. Was that night of pure tranquility, peace, and love really a night with a thousand thoughts swirling thorugh his brain? As he touched me was, he thinking about the way he was going to break up with me?

When he broke up with me told me that it wasn't me. He told me that he had to break up with me because if he didn't then he'd do worse than just cheat on me. He said his mental health was so bad and he couldn't have a girlfriend at the time. He told me the day before had no effect on him coming to breaking up with me.

But that day, he texted me and was so lively. Flash-forwards to the next day, he just replied in single words. I was clearly carrying the conversation. So, was this just something he came to overnight?

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

But you should've seen him when he first got me

My boy only breaks his favorite toys, toys, oh
I'm queen of kingdoms he destroys, oh, oh
'Cause I knew too much, there was danger in the heat of my touch
Said forever, then he blew it up, oh, oh
My boy only breaks his favorite toys, toys, oh

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

All my friends hated that we were together.

I could never overexaggerate the amount of times they'd beg me to break up with him. It never mattered though. Their voices could never change the beat of my heart when he touched me.

I truly felt loved even if he didn't actually love me.

I remember so vividly that one day where I had a case of food poisoning. I ran from him as fast as I could to a nearby unisex bathroom with a singular door and lock. I was far too concerned about reaching the toilet in time to slow down when he yelled my name or when I failed to shut the bathroom door.

It was shortly after I first started vomiting that I felt him gather all my hair into his hands like a make-shift ponytail.

I remember the burning sensations of my throat as I lost the chicken tenders we shared for lunch. My eyes were watering, and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Soon enough, those silent tears became loud sobs accompanying the sounds of the vomit coming out of me.

"It's okay. I'm here, (Name)." He had said so soothingly as he rubbed my back with his other hand.

When the vomiting had subsided, we sat outside of the bathroom together. I had laid my head on his shoulder with my hand on his thigh while he had an arm draped around my waist rubbing circular motions.

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be."

"But I'm the reason you're missing your class."

"I'd rather be here for you than to that class."

I remember closing my eyes after he said that, and all other worries melted away. They simply didn't matter. I was with Dark. I was happy.

We may have had a tumultuous relationship by the end of it, but you should have seen the way he would look at me when he first saw me.

Those caring, loving eyes will always be burned into the deepest crevices of my heart. I remember holding each other tightly in my bed as his forehead rested against mine. I didn't need anything but him. If only it could have lasted.

It was truly too good to be true. 

I think I always knew he'd break my heart. I saw all of it coming but I just hoped I'd be wrong for once. 

I just denied it so much that I willed all those warning signs out of my mind. So, like I said, I wish there was a moment I knew we were over. I didn't, because I didn't want to see it, but I always knew it was coming. 

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Just say when, I'd play again

Just say when, I'd play again
He was my best friend and that was the worst part
I felt more then, in brief moments
Than with all the Kens
'Cause he took me out of my box
Left all these broken parts
And kept my tortured heart
And told me I'm better off
But I'm not

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

I think a very important factor of our relationship is the context. 

We had both come out of every long term relationships that had ended very badly. For me, at the time, I had no come to terms with the fact my ex-partner of almost three years was abusive and I felt trapped for so long. For Dark, his ex-girlfriend of three years had cheated on him with some guy she met on a camping trip. 

We were both in very bad places. 

We emotionally connected based on our shared experiences which we had a lot. 

Fast—too fast to some—we bonded over trauma. We had formed a trauma bond. I felt as if he was my savior because my ex made me believe no one could ever love me the way they could. I wasn't worthy of anyone's love but their. 

Dark understood me. I understood Dark. 

For once in my life, I actually felt physically and emotionally attracted to someone. He was everything I could have ever wanted and I could see the future in his eyes. 

He called me his future wife.

With my ex, they would always be on their phone whenever we had time to talk to each other. I was always fighting for their attention over their phone or someone else. It always made me feel like the least interesting thing to them. It stung. 

They always found any and every excuse to not pay attention to me. Yet, if I was ever upset then they would hurt me far worse than their neglect did. It was a constant cycle of abuse. 

But with Dark, he was almost never on his phone. 

He always gave me his upmost attention whenever I had it. 

Our relationship was so refreshing after years and years of severe abuse. It was so refreshing that I didn't even realize I was being abused even worse than what my ex did.