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"The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe." - Gustave Flaubert
The Gemme Community has always believed in perfection, whether it's for our community, or for our precio...
Chapter 1.1: {Sun and Sky} The Family of the Sky - Chapter 2.1 {Sun and Sky} Friends...
Total: 79/100
At First Glance (Title/Cover/Blurb): 8/10
The title is adorable, and the setup of your story is very pleasing. The split writing style of two different stories rotating presents a unique read! Your cover is a great foundation. However, the quality is a bit blurry, and centering Love would be more visually pleasing. Your blurb mirrors how you write your story and gives a good look into the plot. Adding a few more details and perhaps formatting it a bit differently would make it flow better, but that depends on your style and what you prefer, of course!
What's Happening? (Plot): 18/20
I'll admit that because you structured your story, I could not get a good enough glimpse of how the plot would progress. The first four chapters are introductory, which makes sense because you're writing two stories simultaneously. I would be excited to see how you will mix the personalities you wrote and the conflicts they'll have to endure from what you started with!
Go With the Flow (Grammar): 9/15
I will be very to the point in this section, and I hope you take it as constructive criticism and not rudeness. Your word repetition is astounding. The flow of your writing suffers because of this. Using the exact words consistently in the same paragraph is difficult to read, and the only comparison I can make is that it reads almost like you're simply trying to "fill up space" to reach a word count goal.
Read your first paragraph out loud.
"The morning breeze brushed through the sun to provide bright light to the sky everywhere. The sunlight was yellow. The heat was yellow and Bangkok was yellow with sunlight again. It's yellow everywhere."
The first sentence is terrific! Perhaps changing "to provide" to "providing" but that's a minor change. The second sentence is okay, continuing to emphasize the brightness. However, after this, there needs to be some significant rework to avoid "yellow" and "sunlight"
This continues throughout the rest of the story and I recommend reading your story out loud and giving it an extreme edit.
Look How Far They've Come (Characters/Development): 10/10
Due to the chapters I read being introductory, there isn't much development. But your characters are excellent, and I like all the different personalities you've created.
Out of this World (Worldbuilding): 10/10
I like the idea of different universes and the ease of being who you are without fear of judgment. Your structure is good, and this has the potential to be a cute story!
I've Never Seen That Before! (Originality): 10/10
The way the parts are divided into the following two stories is intriguing and is something I haven't seen before on Wattpad.
I Need More! (Hook): 10/15
After the first five chapters and seeing who everyone is, there is definitely a want to keep reading to see what adventures will unfold between the characters. You have humor and I like the way you use descriptions.
Keep 'Em Coming (Overall Enjoyment): 4/10
The pairings are well suited and I enjoy the main plot of your story. However, as stated above, I had a difficult time reading through the chapters with how many words were repeated.
Overall:
"The Universes of Love" by @Afrojarose15 is a story celebrating love and following four couples on their journey. With a unique idea for universes to collide and distinct personalities between every character, this story has a lot of potential!
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Please get in touch with your reviewer if you have any questions! Thank you for working with us! We hope these comments will help you improve your story and give you a sense of achievement for writing such a wonderful story.
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