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"The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe." - Gustave Flaubert
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Chapter 1: The Silent Fall - Chapter 5: The Gathering Storm
Total: 86/100
At First Glance (Title/Cover/Blurb): 8/10
The title has enough of a hook that I'd want to pick it up and read the blurb to learn what it's about. I love the image on the cover, but choosing a different title and author name font would significantly improve it. Though the blurb is short, it's very to the point and hits all the right key points to tell the reader what to expect. Removing the "introduction" chapter and using that as your blurb would work much better.
What's Happening? (Plot): 18/20
My first question is, why is this Zunair's final mission? The way you had it in italics means it's essential, but letting the reader know the basis of how this is the last mission she'll take would give a more intense need to follow the story. Also, the prologue says that this mission is personal for Zunair, but showing exactly how it's personal would make it more cohesive. There is a lot to be said about showing instead of telling! The premise of a diary being the core of a murder case is terrific, though!
You seamlessly introduce the team Zunair will be working with. I love how you assign them their roles in the mission and summarize them with exactly how they'll be helping. The fourth chapter intensifies the mystery, and you do well at building tension!
Go With the Flow (Grammar): 12/15
You have quite a few fantastic lines! Your descriptions are great, and your grammar is steady. If you want your writing to be the best it can be, comb through it. The biggest offender is the frequent use of the word "was. "There's a spot that sticks out to me where you wrote, "spoke an unspoken history," which could be reworded to convey the same vibe but flow a lot better.
Look How Far They've Come (Characters/Development): 8/10
You have an exciting group of characters, and I enjoy the interactions between them. The main character has a good reputation, and I can't wait to see that in action. They all seem very smart (which makes sense since they're working for Trinetra.) There isn't much developing yet, but you give me the feeling you'll get there in the later chapters!
Out of this World (Worldbuilding): 5/10
You've focused on little worldbuilding other than the organization of Trinetra. I'm unsure if the world is just the everyday world or where it occurs. Adding that in could increase the reader's immersion.
I've Never Seen That Before! (Originality): 10/10
I don't delve into mysteries very much, but the idea of a diary being the key to a murder seems original. The main character was a victim as a child and, after overcoming her attackers, becomes a superior detective. You open a lot of questions that I want answers to!
I Need More! (Hook): 15/15
You've done a great job with the hook. The presentation of your characters, the idea of the mystery, and the addition of enough confusion make the reader want to keep scrolling and turning the page. I have nothing to suggest here; I'm pleasantly happy with your story in this category.
Keep 'Em Coming (Enjoyment): 10/10
I sat down to do this assignment and read your story relatively quickly simply because I enjoyed it. While a few parts made me pause to re-read, the rest flowed perfectly. Your pacing is well done, and though I felt a little starved for more details, there was just enough to keep me happy.
Overall:
"Retribution: The Diary Murders" by @akdwav is a mystery in which a diary holds the key to solving a murder case that was deemed suicide years ago. The author has strong dialogue skills and an original plot line that can quickly hook the reader. I recommend this as higher-end writing on Wattpad.
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