DEFAULT - jobe bellingham

CHAPTER 17

I WAS GETTING READY to leave for therapy. Ever since that fight i couldn't seem to get back on track and finally decided to see a professional and get her to help me.

I was stood in the bathroom and putting my hair up into a ponytail. I had already put on some makeup that included some mascara, eyebrows and blush as well as concealer and highlight. I didn't even notice Jobe entering the room.

- Where are you going? - He asked with confusion painting on his face.

Jobe didn't know that i was seeking help in therapy. I didn't want him to worry or anything. He was better off without the knowledge of my mental state. I didn't plan on telling him any soon either.

- Work. Practice starts early today. - I replied with a smile and turned around then placing a kiss on my fiancée's cheek.

- Do you want me to give you a lift? - Jobe offered.

- I'll walk. It's a sunny day outside isn't it? - I responded and with that i left the bathroom and walked to the hallway.

I grabbed my keys from the counter and my bag, then opening the door and leaving the house. I begun walking towards the street and then walked onto the pavement.

I made my way straight to the building in which my therapy session was happening. Jobe and I lived near the city center which made everything easier.

After a couple of minutes i found myself sitting inside of the room and waiting for my therapist to join me in the room. I was wearing a black tank top and denim shorts.

I crossed my legs and leaned back on the armchair. The room was rather brightly coloured. The seats were made out of dark leather and the other furniture such as bookshelves were made out of dark wood.

I must've zoned out for a couple of minutes because i'd didn't even notice my therapist come inside and greet me. I only saw her because she touched my knee to wake me up.

- I'm sorry. I zoned out for a second. - I apologised and sat up straight in the chair.

- It's okay don't worry. - The woman smiled widely and took out her notebook from the coffee table in front of us. - So tell me, how have you been?

- Alright. Not the worst but also not the best.

- Why so?

- It just feels so surreal. - I expressed.

- What feels surreal? - The brunette inquired.

- My life. I just feel numb all the time, no matter what i do. - I explained in the best way possible. - I don't want to feel this way.

I saw that the woman wrote down something on a piece of paper and continued to listen to my rant for another fifteen minutes. It seemed like every time i came back i got worse and worse.

- We'll put you on some medications, is that okay? - She told and i couldn't quite figure out how to feel about such a thing.

Was my mental health so poor that i had to be on those pills or maybe she just wanted me to have a peace of mind and next time come back feeling better.

- Yeah sure. There's also one more thing i'd like to talk about. - I acknowledged and glanced down at my hands. - I don't know how to tell my fiancée about all of this.

- You haven't told him since the last time we saw each other? - The therapist questioned as writing down yet another note.

- I just don't have the words. What am i supposed to say? Hey babe you put me in therapy! - I joked but clearly it didn't make the woman laugh because she wrote again.

- I think you should talk about it with your partner. I know it may seem hard, but maybe it's what you need. Someone you love to have the knowledge of your mental issues. - She advised.

I nodded my head in response. She was right i needed to tell Jobe. I've hid it for enough time. I stood up from my seat and hung my bag on my arm.

- Here is your prescription. - The woman passed me a piece of paper. - I'll see you in a week.

- Thank you. Have a good day! - I took the prescription and shook her hand, then walked to the exit and left the room.

I walked to the reception and payed for the session. When i was done i made my way to the stairs and walked down, then out of the building. I went to work right after and stayed there until 4 pm.

On my way home i went to the pharmacy and picked up my meds. While walking back i was thinking about what and how should i tell Jobe about this. He would either get mad that i've been lying or get super worried. No i'm between.

- Where have you been? - I heard Jobe's voice from behind me as i entered the house.

I turned around and saw him leaning over the door frame in the hallway and scanning me, trying to figure out anything. I sighed and looked up at him.

- Therapy, work, pharmacy. - I responded honestly.

Jobe's face expression changed immediately. His whole body seemed to stiffen up. His eyes relaxed and so did his face. I came closer and wrapped my arms around him.

- What? What do you mean? - He inquired, not moving an inch.

- I'm sorry. - I felt tears fill up my eyes and roll down my cheeks uncontrollably.

He glanced down at me and when he realised that i started sobbing he hugged me tightly. We stood there in silence without saying a word to each other, just him holding me.

When i finally calmed down i pulled away a couple of inches and glanced up at him. He placed a soft kiss on my forehead and then on my lips.

- Why didn't you tell me anything? - He asked.

- I didn't want to worry you or make you think it's all because of you. It isn't. Not everything. - I responded againts with honesty.

- What does that mean?

- I'm tired Jobe. I love you deadly and it doesn't seem enough. - I confessed as looking him in the eyes. - Tell me what to do. Tell me what do you want from me so you feel loved. I want you to bring me back to default.

He remained silent, probably trying to think of what to say to me. My words may have cut him deep but that weren't my intentions ever. I just wanted for him to know i'm his, not everybody else's.

- I want you to be my wife. I want you to be the mother to my children and i want you to stay by my side and get old with me.

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