sometimes
in the night
long after the scent
of our lovemaking
has faded
i wonder
if you chose me
or if you just
stopped searching
for her
i hear you
say my name
like it belongs to you
but in your silence
i hear
the places your heart
hasn't gone
yet with me
when you sleep
i trace the edges of us
like a map
looking for the parts
where we don't fit
for the pieces
that feel borrowed
instead of made
only for me
i love you
but sometimes
it feels like waiting
for the other side
of the moon
to turn
and reveal
if you're truly mine
or just someone
who decided
they were tired
of looking
for a fairy tale princess
with ebony hair in curls
and i know you say
that "i'm silly"
and that i should not "worry"
but how can i not worry
when my heart loves you
so much
it's scary
that i forget to breathe
i dream dreams of you
in the equal measures
i dream nightmares
because my love is terrifying
and i am fragile
like a broken mirror
waiting to shatter
under the weighting glare of wanting
to be loved completely
and not just conveniently
sometimes
i think our love is like the ocean
it pull me in
but i'm always afraid
of drowning
of the moment when
the tide will pull away
and i'll be left
standing alone
on the shore
and i wonder
if you still search for her
when you close your eyes
when the silence between us
grows louder when we cannot agree
when my touch isn't enough
to fill the gaping spaces
she left behind
you say i'm yours
and i want to believe it
but i know how stories go
how love can be borrowed
without ever being fully
given back
how unrequited love
is bitter and mean
and my love for you
it's so full
it's terrifying
like a river at the edge
of a storm
and i fear
one day
it will flood
and drown us both
because what happens
if i lose myself
in this love
and you decide
you were never really
searching for me
at all?
YOU ARE READING
When Tomorrow Comes: Am I an Adult Yet? (Anthology)
Non-Fiction"And I asked myself, when does this burning pain end?"
