the lost 5 years of my life

chapter 8 : Zayn

I decided to work on myself, as Dr Kenneth suggested.

I enrolled at a local yoga studio for 2 days a week. I decorated my room.

I looked around my room after I repainted it light green. And I hanged a couple paintings on the wall. I used to hang my pictures with friends but I couldn't find them.

I even met with Helen once, a lunch date near her office. It was alright.

I learned that I interned at her firm together with her in the beginning. For two months.

Now that she knew the story from me, she gave me insight from her side.

"I think it was around that time you started feeling low"

"Yeah, did I talk about that with you?"

"No, but I mean, you looked bad more and more each day. You came in wearing the same clothes for a couple consecutive days. You didn't hang out with anyone. Later you didn't even hang out with me"

"Did something happen ?"

Helen paused for a while, trying to recall back a couple years.

"You didn't tell me anything. Well, now that I think of it, there were rumors. I mean, you once went to HR, for something involved with a partner at the firm"

I titled my head, trying to remember. But I got nothing. Maybe it was either my outburst or my depressive negative thinking induced some misunderstanding. I brushed it off.

I went to Dr Kenneth one more time. Zayn was there. His appointment was due. It was lunch time before his appointment so we could hang out.

He was interested in how I was doing. As I was about him too.

He was a graphic designer living downtown. He didn't have many friends. And he spent most of his time on anime, model planes and listening to Moody music. And one good thing I learned was he didn't have a girlfriend.

We had lunch, at the salad bar. And after indulging me with all the croutons from his bowl, he asked me out. There was this bar where his favourite local band played on Saturdays. And he wanted to check out, with me.

I accepted gladly.

Those appointment visits became more and more joyful.

When Saturday came, I was very excited.

I tried on almost all of the clothes I could find.

After spending almost two hours, I was ready. I was wearing a black short dress, with backless design. I washed my hair and let them down upto my waist. I wore glittery silver eyeshadows and red lipstick.

I took a cab to the bar. The band had already started. And I saw Zayn in the corner table right away. He was wearing a black sweatshirt with his signature black jeans that had holes at the knees. He did something to his hair, they were neatly pushed back. With stubbles on his cheeks and chin, he looked like a rock star in casual outfit.

His face lit up when he saw me. It instantly put a smile on my face too.

What a wonderful evening and night.

We ordered red wine and pork salad. The food was tasty.

And as we got tipsy, we sang along with the band, bursting alternative rocks. His voice was manly but also sweet. I didn't know much of the lyrics though it was the songs I grew up with.

We laughed hard as I made up lyrics of my own. We laughed when he mistakenly sang loudly to the guitar solo.

While laughing, in an attempt to control my trembling body, I leaned on his arm. At that time, he put his arm around me and gently held me. The warmth took hold of my whole body.
We left the bar around 10 o'clock.

"Here, let me drive you home", he said opened the passenger door of the car parked in front.

I was feeling my own heartbeat, sitting next to him. Trying to concentrate on the lyrics of the songs playing in the car.

It took me about 15 minutes until I realized I didn't tell him where I lived. But the car was on the right route. He drove so comfortably as if he was driving to his own home.

I turned and looked at him with puzzled look. I didn't know what to even ask. Apparently he knew where I lived.
"Surprised?" He said arrogantly with a smile on his lips. He knew what I was thinking.

"Ah. Yeah?" That was all I could reply.

When he finally parked in front of my building. I asked,

"So when you said we met before, we didn't just meet, I guess?"

"Ha ha, no baby"

He then turned to my seat and held my hand in his, staring right into my eyes. The stars in our eyes were dancing together now.

"We did that before, in fact a couple times"

"Oh my god, how could you .."

He didn't let me finish my sentence. He gently held my head with his palm and he kissed my lips.

Oh my god.

It was like a little flame got into my body, and rapidly spread all over my body.
I returned with the same enthusiasm.
I felt I was born again under his kiss.

I felt complete with the touch of his lips.

It was the moment I realized he was the boy from my diary.