What is this feeling? (Marianas Trench FanFic)

Chatper 2 Art lesson

There I was. A lonely 15 year old sitting on the floor. I spot something ... A lonely pencil sharpener sitting on the floor. Everything seemed to fit together.

I grabbed it and took it apart. This probably isn't the right thing to do but maybe it'll help. Take away the pain and take my mind of things.

But people can't know. So I decide to do it on my side. It feels good for some reason. It makes me feel perfect again. I've always been scared of blood by now it's my best friend. Wrong feels so right. I know I shouldn't be cutting my self to feel good.

I hear a noise outside my door. I quickly throw the razor under my bed and run to my closet to get something the blood won't go thru.

I wait on my bed. 15 minutes goes by. I open my door to see who's there. It's just my dog.

I go grab the razor again. This time I decide to have a little more fun with it. I decide to make music notes. Blade as the brush, my skin as the canvas.

I cut for hours a day. It makes me feel so good. I can't believe I've hid it from people for almost a year. People always say self harm is bad but it feels so good. I just can't even consider stopping.

I was invited to a party tonight. I'm not sure if I should go or not? I can't bring my blade to a party.

I decided to go. Just for a little while. If I feel the need to self harm ill come home.

~Few hours later~

I've been at this party longer than I expected. Almost 2 hours.

Someone calls my name so I turn around and go over to them.

It's my best friend Lynn.

"Hey Al! Can't believe your actually here! You never come to parties!" Lynn said to me.

I replied " I had nothing else to do so I figured I'd come since I knew you'd be here."

Talking to Lynn made me feel as good as harming did. I should talk to her more often!

Lynn went to get us some punch to drink. When she got back and handed me my drink I drank it so fast. I was so thirsty. I went back for another glass. After my second glass I started feeling different.

I think someone spiked the punch. I didn't really care, I was still thirsty so I went and got two more glasses and downed them both.

I think I'm drunk. I went to the couch and sat down with a glass of water. A few guys that looked familiar came over. I can't remember their names but I'm pretty sure I've seen one of them singing on YouTube.

They start passing around 2 things. When the guy beside me gets it he passes it to me. I'm not quite sure what it is but I'm drunk so I try it.

Turns out it was cocaine. I asked the guy for more and he gave me a big bag of it. I didn't really know what to do with it.

Next thing I remember I woke up on the couch with a huge headache. I had a really big craving for something but I couldn't quite figure out what it was for.