What is this feeling? (Marianas Trench FanFic)

Chatper 4 Tattoo

~1 month later~

I thought my life couldn't get worse than it was before. I became addicted to cocaine.

My parents just found out about my addiction.

I started to cry.

"She WHAT!? How could she. She's not my daughter. She might as well not even be on this Earth anymore. " I heard my mom yelling front the living room.

I couldn't handle this life any more. It wasn't worth it. My time here is done.

Nobody likes me or cares about me. I'm not going to be missed. My parents will be happy.

It was time.

I was about to commit suicide.

I attempted. It failed.

I'm going to try again this time a different method. Again. It failed. I decided I'd try it again in a few months. Maybe thing would get better and I wouldn't need to.

~8 months passed~

I was still cutting and smoking cocaine. My parents know about the cocaine. But not the self harming.

I turn on my laptop and go on Facebook. JKR1712 is out of rehab and sober. Turns out the song I loved that he wrote is about his addictions.

This guy is a hero. He had many addictions and mental health issues and is completely sober now. He's my inspiration. I still don't know his name though. Maybe I should find that out. I should know the name of my inspiration.

I googled his YouTube name "JKR1712". His name is Joshua Ramsay. Joshua Ramsay is my inspiration, musically and mentally.

~3 weeks later~

I posted another cover. This time one of Joshua Ramsay's song. Well.. His bands song. Alibis.

After I uploaded it he liked it and commented "your voice is amazing".

I fangirl again. This time not for as long.

Both my parents burst thru my door and started yelling at me. I couldn't quite figure our why. All I heard was some words. Words like: useless, ugly, no good and die. I started crying. I couldn't believe my own parents were saying this to me. They noticed me crying and started calling me a big baby.

After 10 minutes they left my room.

I feel like their payed to bring me down. I couldn't handle life anymore. And I wanted to end it for good this time.

I attempted suicide again. "Third times a charm"my mom would always tell me. No, no it wasn't because I was still living.

I tried again. I felt like I almost had it. I was ready to pull a little harder.

My computer made a noise. It was a Facebook message. A Facebook message from Joshua Ramsay. I let go instantly.

It was really him. My inspiration really just messaged me. We messaged back and forth.

After talking to him I realized something. Something really important. Something I should have realized a lot sooner.

Joshua Ramsay my inspiration cares about me. He truly does.

I couldn't sleep at all that night. I just starred at my ceiling contemplating. I made up my mind.

If he can stop self harming and a drug addiction then so can I.

I only slept a few hours.

I woke up around 8am. No one was home. I got out of bed and took a shower and got ready for the day.

I walked downtown. I saw a tattoo shop and got an idea.

I stood outside the shop thinking.

"If he can do it I can do it" kept being said in my mind.

I hadn't self harmed in 2 weeks, my scars were healing. I'm 16, it's my body I can do what I want.

I entered the shop and was greeted kindly by the worker. Her name was Kat

"welcome Hun, what came I help you with?" Kat said to me.

"I'm here to get a tattoo" I replied.

"You've come to the right place!" Kat responded.

"What were you thinking of getting?" She asked.

" I want to get a name tattooed on my rib cage." I answered.

"Who's name?" Kat asked me.

"My inspiration" I said

"Joshua Ramsay" I said with a smile.

I don't think she knew who he was but she said she was going to write it to see if I like it.

She came back and I told her I loved it.

"I'm glad you love it! Where do you want it?" She asked me.

I showed her where I wanted it. Over my scars.