Just for Tonight

58.

15 months earlier.

"Look, Ville, it's not that I don't want to, but I can't!" ,she cried, out of patience and exhausted.

Ville, on the other hand, took a step forward, his piercing gaze searching hers, trying to decipher what she was hiding behind her words. "Chlo, all along, you've been promising to come to one of our rehearsals. To take even a moment to listen to us, to encourage us... And yet, you're never available!", he replied, his voice trembling with barely contained anger.

"I have obligations, imagine that. I made a promise elsewhere, at university, and I owe it to myself to keep that promise. Young people need a point of view other than that of the faculty. I'm an outsider, I'm not going to judge them or give them grades. They trust me and, as a result, they listen to me attentively".

"What about me, Chloe? Can't you support me, too, once in a while?" .  Ville's voice had broken, and he looked away. "Once a week, once a month... I'm not asking for the moon, just that moment when you tell yourself that my music, that this project I'm devoting everything to, matters to you too".

She felt the reproach beneath his words and straightened up, pricked in her pride. "Ville, you know very well that your music matters to me. But you don't understand, I'm torn between a thousand responsibilities. I'm exhausted, the rhythm is hardly manageable. If I have a few hours free - and this rarely happens - it's to take a breath. And you have this impression that I only care about my professional commitments, but..."

"Maybe if you really cared about me, you'd find a way, Chloe. If you don't... Then say so, at least things will be clear! If you're no longer interested in my music...". He had raised his voice, almost frightened by the possibility of her uttering the words he most feared.

-----

"I'll let you rest", Perttu told her.

She smiled weakly at him. "I've been dreaming about him again."

"I know, you called out his name in your sleep. Chlo, call him. It's consuming you so much...".

"No, Perttu, I won't. And you know why. I forbid you to call him back, remember!", she threatened him gently. But he knew she wasn't joking.

She sank back into her thoughts. At the time, she should have spoken to him, but the situation was already tense between the two of them. Then her book had been translated into several languages, and she'd been offered a lecture tour of various European countries.

Ten months earlier.

"Chloe, I'd like you to come to the hospital for a check-up, following your last blood donation. There's a small anomaly and I'd like to do a full blood test. Don't worry, it's nothing serious", her doctor informed her over the phone that day.

Chloe frowned, a little surprised. "Can I come by your office before next week?" she asked. "I'm in the middle of a lecture tour right now, and I'm leaving for Paris on Monday".

"Yes, of course. Are you available on next Thursday at 5 p.m.?"

"Noted, thank you, Doctor". She hung up, mechanically writing down the appointment.

As agreed, she flew to Paris the following Monday. She sent Ville a message when she arrived at the hotel. "I've arrived safely . Have a good show".

He didn't answer, and she knew he wouldn't. Since she'd been away from home regularly, they'd barely spoken. He'd gone back on tour on his own, the first short leg between Norway and Denmark, without even saying good-bye to her. The night before they left, he had stayed at Migé's.  She knew he was angry. Or rather, deeply sad and disappointed. But she had no doubt that they loved each other intensely. Life seemed to want to keep them apart, and they had already tested the strength of their love several times. It was indestructible. Until the sky fell.

---

He stood up at last, with difficulty. He felt numb, but he knew he had to keep digging, gathering his memories in order to ... understand. Where was she today? The reminiscences were coming back more clearly now. He'd come to the moment when she'd left for Paris, and HIM's first tour - recomposed - had begun in Norway. The last concert had been in Helsinki, and it was time for the tour to come to an end.

10 months earlier.

He left the stage, while the guys played the last chords of the last encore. He finished his tea, which had had time to cool, and winced. A few more moments and he'd be free of his obligations. He'd go home and phone her if she was still in Paris. If she was back before him, he'd take her in his arms, hug her tightly and apologize. One more time.

He hadn't replied to her messages and he felt terrible about it. He  would tell her how madly in love he was with her. He would explain how much he needed her. How important her opinion of his music was, and damn it, how selfish he had been.

But first, he had to meet a few fans, sign autographs and answer a few questions from journalists. He sighed heavily, put on a suitably pleasant smile and left the dressing room. He might as well get it over with now. Then he'd be free.

A group of fans was impatiently waiting for him. Photographers and press were already in place. He froze in place. A familiar face stood in the line of fans. A beautiful face encircled by long blond hair. Emy. When she appeared before him, she threw herself almost around his neck. Then she took his hands in hers.

"How are you, angel?" , she asked.

"I'm fine, Emy, thanks for your concern, and you?" , he replied, a little lost.

He dipped his eyes into hers, wondering why she was there. When they'd been together, she'd never bothered to come and see him on stage. So why now?  

"I'm happy, Ville. Happy to see you", she murmured. She rested her forehead against his. "Can we get together a little later?" , she asked with a seductive smile.

Suddenly uncomfortable, he gently disengaged himself.

"Excuse me, Emy, I've got people waiting for me", he barely articulated as he turned on his heels.