Just for Tonight

62.

He entered the room. She had fallen asleep on her side, the poison dripping into her veins. His heart stopped for a long moment as he laid eyes on her. Migé's description had been straightforward. Her skull naked, her skin transparent. There was something almost childlike about her emaciated body. He caught his breath and approached the bed, gently. He crawled in behind her, taking a thousand precautions not to hurt her. He placed his hand on hers. Surprised, he felt Chloe's fingers entwine his.

"Hello Beautiful. So, finally, Migé has spoken", she said weakly.

"I didn't give him a choice, love."

"You shouldn't have come", she tried to protest.

"I can't do it any other way. I can't live without you." His voice broke.

"I'm going to die, Beautiful. You're going to have to start living without me," she replied softly, stroking his palm with her fingertips.

"You're going to fight, Chlo", he replied, trying to keep his tone firm.

"Always contradicting me ... Some things don't change, that's reassuring." She smiled softly.

"Turn to me, honey."

"Ville, I'm awful. Please don't look at me."

"Honey, you and me, it's forever. I'm not letting you go and we're going to fight together."

She turned to him cautiously.

"And what then, if I die, it's because I won't have fought hard enough?", she asked with a mischievous smile.

"No, it's that the disease will have been stronger. But we, and I'm telling you again, you and I, are going to fight."

"You'll always have the last word," she sighed. "On a more serious note, Beautiful, I hope you don't think my illness is a way of running away from you...". She looked at him intensely.

He looked into her eyes and saw the flame shining again. Migé was right, she was still his Chloe.

"I thought you were running away from me again, even though I had a vague feeling that this time it wasn't ... like the other times. But I had a right to know, honey." His voice was unapologetic, just a statement of fact.

"Remember when Seppo told me ... that I couldn't turn you away from who you are? I never agreed with him as much as I did then. What you do has value, meaning, for so many people ...", she tried to explain.

"You're so much more important to me, Chlo. Migé told me you were staying with Perttu?".

"Perttu looked after me, like a friend, like a brother. Please don't be angry with him. I had forbidden him to contact you."

He held her gently against him and whispered, "Now I'm here too. We're all here, love".

Deeply exhausted both physically and psychologically, they fell asleep waiting for the chemo to finish. Perttu discreetly entered the room and saw the two of them, tenderly embracing. He felt a twinge of sadness. These two were inseparable. Then he smiled: this was the way things were meant to be, and he knew it.

As the nurse cared for her and disconnected the IV, Ville met the oncologist just before leaving the hospital. Migé stayed with him. He heard the prognosis, which was not encouraging, and once again felt himself flinching. The doctor tried to explain the situation clearly and straightforwardly.

"We're a bit in unknown territory at the moment. Her body hasn't responded as we'd hoped after the first treatment cycle. What's more worrying is that she seems to have given up. If her mood doesn't improve... that's a problem. Patients often underestimate the importance of being positive".

"I'm here now, Doctor," Ville affirmed. "I'm sorry, I've only just been made aware of the situation...". He glanced at Migé, who turned away.

Back at home, Chloe rushed into the bathroom and puked her guts out for a long time. Ville brought her something to clean herself up, concerned.

She looked at him with a half-smile: "Usually, by the fourth day after chemo, it's much better," she tried to explain. This was all so new to him, but to her, it had become routine. She could only vaguely remember what her life had once been like, before all this had become her daily routine.

"Ville, I'm going to need your help," she asked softly. "I need someone to take a shower."

Ville raised his eyebrows slightly. She continued: "Right now, I'm too weak to wash myself. Usually, Migé or Perttu help me, but...". She paused, observing his reaction. He remained impassive.

"I'm here, explain to me what I have to do, honey".

He helped her undress.

"Chlo!" he exclaimed as he uncovered her back. A new tattoo now ran down her spine, encircled by leaves. "When love and death embrace".

"It's beautiful, isn't it? Circumstantial, even," she remarked with a smirk.

"Why ... that phrase?" he asked, even though the answer was obvious.

"It's your most beautiful song, Beautiful. Well, for me. I don't think any other has this depth. In a few words, finally, you've summed up the essence of our existences: we love, we die. We love and watch the other die. We love and we must die. But in between, we live. Intensely. At least, that's how I understand it, and today it makes even more sense.

He gently ran his fingers along each letter. She shivered.

"You have to believe in it, as I do," he whispered in her ear, as he helped her wash.