"I don't know if I can do this Viv" Siobhan's voice was full of worry, prompting Viv to look over at the blonde, concerned. "Why not?" the older woman walked over to Siobhan and held her hand gently. The blonde looked up at her before continuing "I've been really rude to Charlotte in the past and I know Mia is going to wind me up as much as possible. It's going to be awkward." Viv smiled warmly and squeezed her hand "maybe it will be a little awkward at first but we can get through that. Mia helped us on the night of the wedding, taking her and Charlotte out for a meal is a nice gesture to say thank you. You never know, you might end up really enjoying it."
Once they were in the taxi, Siobhan tried to calm her nerves by focusing on the passing scenery. She allowed Viv to take her hand again as they entered the restaurant and spotted Mia and Charlotte, already seated. As they approached the table, Mia flashed her signature smirk while Charlotte smiled at them warmly. Initially, they engaged in simple, slightly awkward small talk, mostly chatting about the weather and the menu. When their drinks had finally arrived Mia suddenly looked directly at Siobhan and asked "so Shibby, do you feel better now you're not lying to yourself?" The blonde gasped in response as she heard Charlotte snap "AMELIA!" The red head looked slightly sheepish as she muttered "sorry sweetheart, I was just asking."
Part of Siobhan wanted to answer honestly and tell Mia that yes, she did feel better. There were still a lot of things she needed to deal with but she was working through them and she was proud of herself. Instead, she kept quiet and listened as Viv and Charlotte chatted about their kids and how they needed to arrange a play date. The atmosphere slowly softened and became far less awkward as they drank their wine and ate their food, laughing together as if they were friends. Siobhan had never worked on cultivating friendships with others before, in fact she'd done everything possible to push them away, so this was very new territory for her. Every now and again, she felt Vivs gentle touch on her leg, it was the older woman's way of checking in and making sure Siobhan felt reassured.
After dinner, it was Charlotte who suggested they take a walk on the beach, the evening weather was mild and it was still light. They were within walking distance of a beautiful beach and it did seem like a lovely idea, so everyone agreed. As it turned out, Charlotte and Viv had gelled very well and as they chatted, they walked on ahead of Mia and Siobhan. The blonde and the red head walked side by side in silence for a few minutes, looking out over the water and gathering their individual thoughts.
"I do feel a lot better about myself. Actually, I feel a lot better about life in general." Siobhan looked over at Mia and smiled very slightly. Mia smiled back and replied "I'm glad to hear that, genuinely." She paused for several seconds before continuing "it's nice to feel safe, isn't it? It's hard at first, suddenly feeling free, a bit like falling with nothing to catch you. It's scary." Siobhan understood that Mia was trying to connect with her, so she took a deep breath and nodded, unsure how much she really wanted to share. As they continued to walk side by side, Siobhan wondered how Mia really felt about the time she'd lost to Roger's manipulations.
It was Mia who broke the silence once again as she said "Viv really cares about you. She looks at you like you put the stars in the sky." Siobhan giggled slightly "I really care about her too. She's so loving and kind, I've never met anyone like her." She paused before adding "I never thought someone like Viv could love someone like me." Mia slowed down slightly as she looked over at the blonde and replied "I always used to feel like love was something other people were destined to find. That's why I never really bothered looking. It's easier to stick with what you know, but then nothing ever changes."
Hearing Mia speak about her own experience was genuinely making Siobhan's heart feel a little less heavy as she nodded along. Before she could stop herself, she looked over at the red head "I always tried to convince myself that there was nothing better out there for me anyway. I told myself I should have been grateful for the nice lifestyle I had, but it was all just things. Every nice thing or moment had its pay off, the whole thing was completely..." she trailed off as she searched for the correct words. Mia softly offered "transactional?" Siobhan's eyes widened as she realised that Mia had made the perfect choice and suddenly, she felt slightly overwhelmed.
Mia smiled at her before momentarily looking on ahead at Viv and Charlotte who were still happily chatting. She took a moment to appreciate the way Charlotte was throwing her hands around as she talked, which was a clear indication that she was happy and content. Finally, she looked over at the sea again, focusing on the suns reflection. "Shibby...sorry...Siobhan, I know how it feels to be where you are now. Still wondering how things will turn out and wishing you'd left earlier or done something different. Those feelings will pass and eventually, all you'll be able to see is the love. One day, all that will occupy your mind is Viv and Jamie and how they just love you. No expectations, no trade offs. I promise."
At that moment, the two women noticed Viv and Charlotte slowing down and turning to face them. They were both smiling, happy to see Siobhan and Mia getting along and chatting. As they all caught up with each other, Charlotte held out her hand and beamed as soon as Mia took it. Viv immediately wrapped her arm around Siobhan's waist and kissed her gently on her forehead. "I missed you bonbon" Siobhan frowned slightly and replied "I've been here the whole time?" As they started to walk again Viv laughed "I think I missed you before I met you. I'm so happy you're here now."
Siobhan couldn't help but smile as she realised that she'd always deserved love. Viv wanted nothing more than her presence and as she looked over at Charlotte and Mia she saw the exact same dynamic, almost a perfect mirror image. She felt happy for Mia, and she was eager to reach the stage that the red head had described.
Nothing but love, no regrets.
She couldn't wait to feel that too.
