CAN I TELL YOU A SECRET - SIOBHAN/SORSCHA - (PART ONE)

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A/N - This would be set before Clodagh was pregnant and not long after Siobhan and Roger's relationship was exposed. Siobhan doesn't live with him yet.

Sorscha had always enjoyed a drink, so when Charlotte invited her to a girls night out, she immediately agreed. Truthfully, Sorscha was excited to get out of the house, the past couple of months had been nothing but constant stress. She and Clodagh had been arguing nonstop and now they'd agreed to a trial separation. It was nothing to do with losing their love for each other, outside struggles and pressures had simply pushed them apart. They were both mature enough to understand that to gain perspective, they needed space, so for now Clodagh had moved back in with her parents. She and Sorscha were free to explore the world outside of their relationship should they so choose, but Sorscha was certain that she wasn't going to do that.

The Irish woman was going to have fun and get drunk however. The moment she arrived at the bar she spotted Charlotte, tucked away in a booth and chatting with Marjorie and Autumn. Since the deputy manager's relationship with Winter had been exposed, she'd softened somewhat. Sorscha still felt slightly unsure when it came to Autumn, but sometimes she saw flashes of humour within the deputy that were very much like her own. The moment Sorscha sat down, Marjorie offered to buy her a drink and immediately, the night was off to a positive start. As the night wore on, the group laughed together and chatted, managing to get some minute bits of information about Autumn and Winters blossoming relationship.

By the time Charlotte announced that she was going home, everyone was well and truly drunk. Marjorie offered to share a taxi with Charlotte, giggling as they both struggled to stand up straight. Autumn and Sorscha lived in the opposite direction, so the deputy offered to share a taxi with the younger woman. Something about going home to an empty house seemed grossly unappealing to Sorscha, so she smiled before replying "I think I'm going to stay here a little longer. I'm going to have some water and sit at the bar for a bit." Although it hadn't been explicitly spoken about, Sorscha knew that her colleagues were aware of her situation. Autumn seemed to understand immediately, simply nodding in response and calmly saying "okay, if you're sure. Enjoy the rest of your night Sorscha." With that the Irish woman was alone, so she ordered a glass of water as planned before perching herself on a bar stool.

Once she'd drank some water, Sorscha began to feel slightly more stable. She was still tipsy, but now she was enjoying more of a pleasant buzz as she watched the world go by around her. Eventually, she spotted a familiar face and immediately her eyes widened with surprise. Siobhan was sitting by herself at a small table, hidden away in a dark little corner. She seemed to be in a world of her own as she turned her wine glass around between her fingers. Historically, Siobhan had only ever been rude, condescending, petty and dismissive when she'd spoken to Sorscha. On so many occasions, the Irish woman had wondered why the blonde was so nasty. It was genuinely such a shame, because in Sorscha's opinion, Siobhan was a strikingly beautiful woman. Perhaps thats why she now found herself staring at the blonde, wondering what she was doing here, all alone.

Sorscha wasn't really sure why but she felt compelled to go over and speak to Siobhan. Inexplicably, she suddenly felt like she desperately needed to wind the blonde up, they weren't in work now plus Siobhan was leaving soon, destined for the board of directors. Sorscha was well aware (as was everyone), exactly how Siobhan had earned her promotion and truthfully, she did judge the blonde for it - just a little. As she strolled over to Siobhan, Sorscha watched with amusement as the older woman looked up and spotted her.

Without asking permission, Sorscha sat down at Siobhan's little table and smirked "hello Siobhan. Fancy seeing you here. Where's the millionaire boyfriend?" Immediately, the blonde narrowed her eyes and snapped "that's none of your business. Who gave you permission to sit with me?" There was that venomous, acid tongue Siobhan was so famous for, as sharp and ready as ever. Sorscha didn't allow her smirk to drop as she leaned forwards slightly "I can sit wherever I want, you're not my boss in here. Besides, I thought you could use some company." The blonde scoffed "I don't need company from someone like you. I hear you and your wife have split up." She stared at Sorscha for several seconds before sarcastically adding "what a shame."

Momentarily, Sorscha felt a flash of anger, so against her better judgement she snapped back "you'd know all about shame, wouldn't you Siobhan? It can't be worth it, really. That's why you're here right now, all alone, isn't it? You're drinking to get rid of the disgust you feel towards yourself, aren't you? The shame you feel every time he touches you?" As soon as she'd finished speaking, she regretted it when she saw the look on Siobhan's face. Recent stresses and Siobhan's prickly demeanour had caused her to be cruel momentarily and now, she felt ashamed. Siobhan stood up abruptly before rushing towards the exit, prompting Sorscha to follow her outside.

"Siobhan I'm sorry, that was nasty of me, I'm sorry." She was calling after the blonde, chasing her down the street as she tried to catch up. Without warning, Siobhan stopped before abruptly turning to face Sorscha and shouting "you don't know anything about me, or my life." She was pointing at the Irish woman now as she continued "you know nothing about my shame." As Sorscha looked into Siobhan's tear filled green eyes, she saw something she'd never seen before. There was no hatred or anger, only sadness and longing and it immediately made Sorscha's heart ache.

As she took a step towards Siobhan, she heard the blonde muttering something to herself, although she couldn't tell what it was. She reached out to touch the older woman's arm gently but as soon as she made contact, Siobhan pulled away as if she'd received an electric shock. "Don't YOU touch me" she snapped before stumbling backwards slightly. Sorscha was beginning to feel slightly angry again, why was Siobhan acting as though she had an infectious disease? Siobhan was now inches away from being backed up against a wall, so Sorscha stepped forwards again, prompting the blonde to trap herself between Sorscha and the brick behind her.

Once, several months earlier, Sorscha had watched with unexplained interest as Siobhan had absentmindedly gazed at Charlotte walking away. The blonde had been in an almost trance like state, so she hadn't noticed that Sorscha was watching her. Sorscha had observed the way that Siobhan's eyes had gone slightly cloudy. She'd frowned as she noticed how the blonde had shifted uncomfortably in her seat, almost as if she were trying to relieve some kind of tension within her lower body. Something about the entire display had seemed slightly off to Sorscha, but nothing in particular had clicked.

Now, as she once again watched Siobhan, the penny finally dropped within the Irish woman's mind. Siobhan was breathing heavily and looking at Sorscha as if she were completely terrified of her. Sorscha knew she was being cruel again as she placed her palms flat on the wall behind Siobhan, next to, but not touching the blonde's waist. She heard the way Siobhan gasped as she pressed their bodies together, before she looked into her eyes and asked "do you want me to stop?"

Siobhan shook her head very slightly as she desperately willed herself to push Sorscha away. She knew what was happening was wrong, but she was so desperate to finally give into the fantasies she'd been ignoring for so long. Every time she let her thoughts wander, Siobhan thought about women. She thought about their curves and their lips, the way their hands were so soft. When Roger touched her, she wished he wasn't there, she wished he was a woman. He'd seemed like a safe, secure option but the life she was falling into wasn't what she'd imagined. Siobhan had always felt emotionally trapped by her own repression and refusal to accept herself. Now she was beginning to feel physically trapped within her fake, spiralling life.

Sorscha's body being pressed against her own felt like a lifeline. It was warm and soft, the pressure was insistent while still being gentle. Suddenly, she felt Sorscha's hands gripping her waist, before the slightly taller woman leaned down and whispered into her ear. "It's okay Siobhan, let it go." Sorscha kissed her neck gently before continuing "it's up to you blondie, but if you let me..." she hesitated momentarily, instantly amused by the way Siobhan's hips were writhing around in response to her touch. She squeezed Siobhan's waist firmly before pressing her lips against the blondes ear "I would absolutely destroy you..."

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A/N - Do you want a part 2? 🤔

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