"Are you sure you'll be alright?" Vivs voice was full of concern as she looked over at Siobhan. The blonde nodded "of course, I've looked after Jamie while you've worked night shifts before, why wouldn't I be?" Viv sat down on the bed next to her girlfriend and wrapped one arm around her. "You just seem a bit down tonight, I don't want to leave you if you're not feeling well."
Siobhan immediately plastered a somewhat convincing smile on her face as she replied "honestly Viv, I'm fine. I'm just a bit tired, I'm going to have an early night." With that, the blonde caught Vivs hand in hers, leading the older woman downstairs. Jamie was napping so as Viv said goodbye to Siobhan, she asked the blonde to let him know how much his mummy loved him. The blonde promised that she would and smiled warmly as she watched Viv hurry outside to the car, before she drove away. As soon as Viv was gone, Siobhan's smile dropped as she sat down sadly on the sofa. Viv didn't cover night shifts very often but when she did, Siobhan absolutely hated it. She'd never said anything because she understood that she couldn't always have what she wanted, Viv had to work. Siobhan just hated sleeping alone now she'd found someone who made her feel safe and she missed Vivs embrace dearly when she wasn't there.
"Bonbon?" Siobhan looked over at the doorway of the lounge and smiled, Jamie was awake. He was stood in his pyjamas and clutching a little brown teddy that was wearing a tiny red cloak. Jamie ran over to Siobhan excitedly before climbing up onto the sofa and plonking himself right in her lap. "Please can we watch Hercules?" He was so polite, it never failed to make Siobhan smile. She nodded as she grabbed the remote, realising that watching the film would take them nicely to Jamie's bedtime.
Hercules was one of Jamie's absolute favourite films, so as usual he laughed and sang along with the songs. Siobhan loved seeing him so happy, his little giggles kept her mind off the fact that she was dreading getting into bed that night. Sometimes Siobhan felt embarrassed, wondering if she'd become too needy. Roger had watched her every move, never allowing her out of his sight unless she was at work. Now, she had the freedom to go for a walk in the park, or pop down to the local cafe for a break. Sometimes she did those things but mostly, she just wanted to be with Viv. Needing someone so much felt scary but Siobhan knew she was safe, Viv had never failed to catch her.
When the film ended, Siobhan felt her heart sinking as she playfully picked Jamie up and threw him up into the air. "Come on then Jelly Tot, bedtime." As she carried him upstairs, he played with her hair as he always did, for some reason he found her blonde waves fascinating. Once they'd cleaned his teeth, Jamie grabbed Siobhan's hand and led her into his room, picking out the book he wanted her to read.
As Siobhan read to him quietly, she watched as Jamie's eyelids began to droop. She placed the book on the bedside table and gently stroked his hair before whispering "your mummy loves you very much Jamie, she's missing you. I love you lots too." As she stood up she added "goodnight Jamie, sleep tight." Just as she'd reached the doorway she heard a tiny, tired little voice.
"Bonbon, are you missing mummy?" The blonde turned to face the little boy and nodded "I always miss your mummy when she's not here." As she approached the bed, she noticed that Jamie was holding his little teddy bear out towards her. The little boy smiled sleepily and said "he's a superhero, that's why he has a cloak." As Siobhan laughed slightly he continued "he has to go with you. He's going to look after you for me and mummy, I asked him to."
Siobhan's eyes widened slightly "Jamie, I can't take him he's your favourite!" Jamie continued to hold the little bear up as he replied "it's only when mummy's not here. He can make you not so sad, cos you'll have him to cuddle." Siobhan took the teddy as she felt tears threatening to fall, she couldn't believe how much love she was suddenly surrounded with. "Thank you Jamie" she choked out as he beamed at her. As soon as she'd taken the teddy, Jamie closed his eyes and began to nod off as Siobhan turned out the light and made her way to her bedroom.
Once she was ready for bed, Siobhan sighed before looking over at the teddy, propped up against a pillow. As she wrapped herself up in the duvet she clutched the teddy close, holding it right by her heart. She still wished that Viv was holding her, but the feeling of the teddy's fur against her skin genuinely made her feel less upset. As much as she hated these occasional solitary nights, she was finally starting to accept her new reality.
Siobhan would never, ever truly be lonely again.
