just pretend.

51.

Minho teared up, clinging onto the two people he loved the most. The emotional weight of the moment was almost suffocating, making it hard for him to breathe. He didn’t know what to do – too scared to make the wrong move. Every possibility spun through his mind like a chaotic whirlwind. If he decided to go for it, everything could go terribly wrong, and he could lose both of them in the process. If he chose Jisung, he knew he would hurt Seungmin, and ripping a part of his own heart out felt like an unbearable sacrifice. Conversely, if he chose Seungmin, he was certain he would lose his first love forever, a reality that felt too painful to even contemplate, the memory of losing him before clinging to him. He inhaled shakily, his mind racing with worst-case scenarios and what-ifs, desperately trying to hold it all together. The conflicting emotions surged within him, each feeling fighting for dominance. He couldn’t deny it any longer; he loved them both the same, and he wanted both, as selfish as that was. His heart ached with the intensity of his feelings, and he felt trapped in a moment that seemed to stretch on indefinitely. His gaze met Jisung’s, those warm, reassuring eyes offering him a glimmer of hope amidst the chaos. Then he turned his face towards Seungmin, whose expression was calm yet caring, a stark contrast to the storm raging inside Minho. It was then that the realization hit him with overwhelming force: he loved them – he loved them so much and he wouldn’t be able to handle losing one of them. The depth of his emotions crashed over him, and his lips parted as a shaky breath escaped his throat. “I.. I love both of you.. I can't.. I want both of you”, he finally admitted, his voice barely a whisper. He wasn’t even sure if he had actually said it out loud, but the way they both squeezed his hands, pulling him away from his racing thoughts, confirmed that his answer had been heard. Now, there was no going back anymore. Seungmin leaned in closer, his lips gently brushing against Minho’s ear as he whispered, “I’ll make sure you won’t regret it, I promise.” The low, soothing cadence of Seungmin’s voice sent shivers down Minho’s spine, igniting a flicker of excitement and trepidation within him. The promise of safety, of passion, and other more primal things made his breath hitch violently in his throat. He heard Seungmin’s low chuckle, felt the warmth of his smile against his ear, a comforting presence amidst the overwhelming emotions. Seungmin’s lips found their way to his neck, placing a soft, tender kiss between his ear and his nape. Minho closed his eyes, savoring the sensation, feeling as if he were floating in a sea of affection. He then met Jisung’s gaze again, his expression filled with love and tenderness as he cupped Minho’s face, grounding him further in this moment. “Baby, if you ever change your mind, tell us”, Jisung said, his voice laced with sincerity and care. Minho nodded, overwhelmed by the torrent of feelings racing within him – the love, the longing, and the desire to keep them both close, to never let go.

The hearing had drained them all, and they allowed themselves a day of rest before sitting together with the others, trying to find out where to go from here. Minho was cuddled up between Jisung and Seungmin, feeling protected and at ease. He had intertwined his fingers with Jisung, who was lying on his right, just like he did the night before. Jisung’s steady breathing calmed Minho’s frayed nerves, each breath a soothing reminder that they were in this together. On his left, Seungmin leaned against the headrest, engrossed in one of his books, the quiet rustle of the pages adding a serene backdrop to the moment. Minho wrapped his arms around Seungmin’s torso, resting his head against his chest as he used to do at the clinic, relishing the warmth and the familiar rhythm of Seungmin's heartbeat. He never thought this would be the outcome, but having Jisung’s arms around him, feeling the steady rise and fall of Seungmin’s chest, made him feel incredibly at ease, even though the fight was far from over. There was a sense of safety in their presence, something that insulated him from the chaos outside. For the first time in a while, Minho allowed himself to feel a flicker of hope. After a moment of comfortable silence, he turned to face Jisung, an overwhelming need to talk bubbling to the surface. As their faces ended up inches apart, Minho’s breath caught in his throat, the proximity igniting a spark of electricity between them. “Hi”, Jisung mumbled, unable to dampen the smile that spread across his face, which made Minho blush involuntarily, warmth flooding his cheeks. “Hi”, he replied, feeling the gentle caress of Jisung’s breath against his lips, a soft whisper that sent butterflies dancing in his stomach. “Did you talk to your brother?”, Minho asked, his hand instinctively finding its way to Jisung’s neck, stroking the skin beneath his thumb, cherishing the intimacy of the moment. Jisung nodded, his expression shifting slightly as he gathered his thoughts. “Yeah, he’s staying with Jiho, like he did before. He said that he found courses for me, so I can quit my current ones. It’s going to be the same courses but a different college. And now that Dad is..”, Jisung’s voice trailed off, and Minho noticed his gaze flicker, a shadow crossing his features as he stared into the void, grappling with the weight of what happened to his family. “Now that he got locked away?”, Minho ventured gently, and Jisung nodded, his eyes distant as if battling his inner demons. The reality of the situation hung in the air, a reminder of the pain they had endured. “I might be able to go back to my old life if we manage to take down Wooyoung, one way or another.” The words struck him like lightning and Minho felt a surge of hope mixed with trepidation as he tried to let Jisung’s message sink in. Suddenly, he shot upright, his heart racing as he looked down at Jisung in shock. “What do you mean? Hannie, are you saying that..” He couldn’t finish his question, his throat tightening with a mixture of fear and disbelief. Jisung inhaled deeply, propping himself up on his elbow to meet Minho’s gaze with an intensity that made Minho’s heart race. “Baby, if it comes down to it, if I really have to kill him in order to defend you, or myself, or the others..” Jisung’s gaze shifted to Seungmin, and Minho heard the younger one shift behind him, aware of the gravity of their conversation. The weight of those words settled like a dark cloud above them. “I will do it.” Jisung’s words were final, and the fierce determination behind them made Minho’s heart stutter. Fear rose within his chest, intertwining with a profound sense of admiration for Jisung’s bravery. It was a terrifying prospect, yet it also solidified the bond they shared – one that was forged in the fire of their struggles. Minho’s mind raced, thoughts spiraling as he considered the implications of Jisung’s resolve.