just pretend.

48.

The day of the hearing finally came, bringing with it a wave of anxiety that consumed Jisung entirely. His hands trembled, his breath came in uneven spurts, and no matter how hard he tried to calm down, his mind spiraled mercilessly. His father had caused so much harm – to him, to his brother, to Minho, and to everyone else he cared about – but despite it all, Jisung couldn’t shake the nagging nervousness over the outcome. There was a part of him, the angrier part, that wanted his father locked away for good, powerless behind bars where he couldn’t hurt anyone ever again. He wanted to see his father finally pay for everything he’d done, for every scar he’d left behind. But another part of Jisung wasn’t so sure. After all, this was still his father. The man who had raised him, even if imperfectly. The only parent he had left. And Jisung knew deep down that he wanted him to get better. Maybe it was foolish to hope for it, but he still wanted his father to get the help he so clearly needed. Maybe, with treatment, things could be different. It was maddening, being torn between justice and the hope for redemption, and that inner conflict was eating him alive. As if his father’s fate wasn’t enough to worry about, his thoughts kept circling back to Minho – and to Seungmin. He couldn’t get the younger one out of his mind, especially after the last time he had seen him. Seungmin had looked so tense, his whole body rigid as if he were carrying some kind of burden Jisung didn’t yet understand. There was something about the way Seungmin had looked at him that day, something haunted, something that made Jisung’s heart clench painfully, despite everything that had happened between them. Their history was complicated. Both of them had fought over Minho, both had struggled with jealousy and pain. But now, Jisung realized it was time to set all of that aside. The real threat wasn’t each other – it was Wooyoung. Wooyoung, with his cold, calculated eyes, filled with nothing but hate. The loyalty that had once existed between them was gone, replaced by a burning desire for revenge. And that terrified Jisung more than anything. He knew Wooyoung too well. He wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t rest, until he got exactly what he wanted. Jisung needed to protect the people he loved, but the weight of that responsibility felt unbearable. How was he supposed to keep Minho safe? How was he supposed to protect Minju, Seungmin, Felix, Changbin, Chan, Hyunjin, and Jeongin? They were all at risk, and Jisung didn’t know how to shield them from the storm that was coming. If it came down to it, if there was no other choice, Jisung knew he might have to pull the trigger. The thought made his stomach churn, his blood run cold. It terrified him more than the idea of his father going to prison, more than the possibility of Wooyoung exposing the truth, more than the fear of dying himself. He took a shaky breath, trying to steady himself, but his legs felt weak as he paced back and forth in Hyunjin’s living room. Chan watched him silently, concern etched into his face. In the kitchen, he could hear Minju talking softly to Hyunjin, and the sound grounded him a little. Everyone was getting ready for the hearing, everyone trying to steel themselves for what was coming. Jisung couldn’t stop fidgeting with the edge of his sweater, pulling the fabric over his hands like a security blanket, his mind racing with worst-case scenarios. Chan finally stood up, closing the distance between them, and placed a firm hand on Jisung’s shoulder. The warmth of the touch eased some of his tension, though not nearly enough. “Whatever the outcome, we’re right here, alright?”, Chan’s voice was steady, reassuring. His eyes locked onto Jisung’s, filled with the kind of unwavering support that Jisung had come to depend on. Jisung nodded, though his throat was too tight to speak. He was thankful, so thankful for the friends who had been there through everything. No matter what happened today, at least he wasn’t alone in facing it. Still, the thought of seeing his father, of being in the same room as him, sent a wave of unease coursing through Jisung’s body. He would hide in the back rows, that much he was sure of. He couldn’t bear the thought of his father’s eyes landing on him. He would wear a mask, his hair falling over his face, hiding as much of himself as possible. But even that didn’t ease the twisting knot in his stomach. The weight of the moment, of all that was at stake, hung over him like a cloud. He wasn’t just worried about the hearing – about his father’s fate. He was worried about what came next. About Wooyoung, about the danger that was hanging over all of them, about the choices he might have to make in the near future. Choices he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to make.