just pretend.

25.

Jisung let go of Minho and watched him rush out of the room, hearing the frantic knocks at Seungmin’s door in the hallway. “Fuck”, he mumbled, running his hand through his hair in frustration. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” The reality of the situation weighed heavily on him as he stepped out of the room, his heart sinking when he saw Minho’s tears streaming down his pretty face. “Get out of my way”, Jisung said, pushing past him gently yet with a sense of urgency. “Hannie..”, Minho protested, wrapping his hand around Jisung’s wrist, desperation clear in his voice. Jisung snapped his wrist out of Minho’s grip, feeling a mix of anger and guilt surge within him as he opened the door to Seungmin’s room, locking eyes with him immediately. “Jisung”, Minho pleaded, pulling at his black shirt, the fabric wrinkling under his grip. “Listen, it was my fault. I overstepped boundaries. I’m sorry, but if you want to blame someone, then blame me.” His voice trembled as he watched Seungmin cross the room, a flash of determination in his eyes that caught Jisung off guard. He never expected the younger one to punch him squarely in the face. The blow landed with a sickening thud, and Jisung didn’t see it coming. He bent over, instinctively holding his bleeding lip, the metallic taste of blood mingling with the rush of adrenaline as he heard Minho cry out loudly, feeling his hands on his back, attempting to offer comfort. “Don’t”, he choked out, raising his upper body and taking a step back, creating distance between them. “Don’t touch me”, he glared at Minho, bitterness flooding his voice as he turned to walk out of the room, heading to the bathroom. Once inside, he looked at his pathetic reflection in the mirror, the stark lighting highlighting the bruise beginning to form on his cheek. He let out a bitter chuckle, the sound echoing in the small space, before grabbing some toilet paper and holding it against his lip, wincing at the sting. The door swung open, and he locked eyes with Changbin through the mirror, who raised an eyebrow. “The worst coping mechanisms I have ever seen”, the older one teased, shaking his head disapprovingly. “Oh, fuck off”, he mumbled, watching Changbin rummage through the drawers, finding a set with bandaids. “Sit”, Changbin demanded, pulling Jisung away from the sink and sitting him down on the toilet lid. “What the fuck did you do this time?” He opened the bandaid set, pulling out some supplies with deft hands. “Don’t ask”, Jisung mumbled, embarrassed and weary. “I already did, so what did you do?”, Changbin pressed, feeling Jisung’s tension radiate off him. He felt Changbin’s strong grip on his chin, tilting his head upward. “Hold still”, he instructed, and Jisung closed his eyes, letting him apply the bandaid over the wound. “I kissed Minho”, Jisung admitted abashedly, his voice barely audible, dropping his head in defeat. “You’re an idiot”, he heard Jeongin’s voice from the door, prompting him to glare at the younger one, irritation flaring within him. “Why are you two always crashing parties?”, Jeongin asked, shaking his head in disbelief. “Sorry, Innie. It just happened. I was overwhelmed”, he replied, letting out a tired laugh, feeling the weight of his choices settle on his shoulders. He got up, not ready to face the others and endure their questioning looks. “Do you mind if I stay in your room until everyone’s gone?”, he asked instead, hoping for some solitude. Jeongin crossed his arms in front of his chest, shaking his head. “Only if you eat. I’ll bring you something”, he offered, turning around to leave with a sigh. Jisung groaned and threw his head back, frustration and guilt battling within him. “You could have just told Minho about your feelings, man”, Changbin said, sounding disappointed as he put the bandaids back in the drawer. He nodded, a dull ache settling in his chest, and got up, walking past Changbin. “Thanks, Binnie”, he muttered, exiting the bathroom. As he walked past Seungmin’s closed door, he could hear the muffled sounds of the younger one yelling at Minho, the guilt eating him from the inside out. It was a feeling that was slowly becoming a daily burden, a reminder of the chaos he’d brought into their lives.

He walked into Jeongin’s room and curled up into a ball on the couch, trying to calm his racing nerves. The weight of his actions hung heavy on him, and he had to face the fact that he was in over his head. He fished his phone out of his pocket, fingers trembling slightly, and searched for therapists near his apartment. A list populated on the screen, and he found three that were conveniently close to the restaurant where he worked. After saving their numbers, a flicker of hope ignited within him, a small step towards seeking help. Jeongin entered the room moments later, balancing a plate piled high with pizza slices and snacks. “Here”, he said, offering it to Jisung. “Thank you”, he mumbled, unable to meet his friend's eyes, shame and confusion swirling inside him. “Jisung”, Jeongin said, taking a seat on the edge of his own bed, his expression serious. The weight of his gaze forced Jisung to throw a quick glance at him, signaling that he was listening intently. “Did you two talk?” He shook his head, feeling the heaviness in his chest deepen. “I yelled at him”, he admitted, letting out a defeated laugh that lacked any joy. “I thought it would be a good idea to make him take back the class action lawsuit, but he’s right.” He took a bite of his cold pizza, the flavor barely registering. “He’s right about everything he said. My parents deserve to be held responsible for all they have done. But I don’t want him to get hurt.” Tears burned in his eyes, and he shook his head, desperate to rid himself of the hopeless feeling clawing at his chest. “And did you tell him that?”, Jeongin asked, raising his eyebrows, his voice laced with concern. “I was about to, but I messed up again”, Jisung confessed, a sense of frustration washing over him. Jeongin shook his head, rising from the bed and crossing the room to stand in front of him. “I suggest you finally tell him the truth. Tell him about what your father said, so if he doesn’t change his mind, at least he might be prepared”, he advised, his tone firm. With that, he left the room, the door standing ajar. Jisung could hear the music and laughter echoing from the party, a stark contrast to everything going wrong in his life lately. Swallowing the last of his food, he forced himself to walk out of the room and knocked at Seungmin’s door. “What?”, he heard Seungmin’s irritated voice call through the wood. Opening the door a crack, he saw Seungmin glaring at him, anger radiating from his tense posture. “Are you fucking kidding me?”, the younger one exclaimed, his eyes filled with fury. “Seungminnie”, Minho said, his voice small and weary. He stepped inside, closing the door behind him, and caught sight of Minho sitting on the bed, legs crossed, arms wrapped tightly around himself. His eyes were red, his cheeks puffy from crying, and his lower lip trembled slightly, breaking Jisung's heart all over again. “You can beat me up as much as you need, but I have something important to say”, Jisung said, stepping forward with determination. “If you don’t get out of my room, I will beat the fuck out of you”, Seungmin warned through clenched teeth, making Minho look up at him in shock. Jisung watched as Minho got up and stepped between them, positioning himself as a barrier. “You need to calm the fuck down, Seungmin”, he said firmly, pushing him backward until he sat on the edge of the bed. “And you”, Minho turned to Jisung, piercing him with a glare, “didn’t you say enough?” Jisung felt the anger in Minho’s voice and almost turned to leave, but he steeled himself, knowing he couldn’t back down now. “My father threatened to hurt you”, he stated, his voice steady despite the chaos and pain in his chest. He watched as both of their eyes widened in surprise and confusion. “What?”, Seungmin muttered, standing up and shifting to stand behind Minho, protective instincts kicking in. “He called me earlier and threatened you, Minho”, Jisung explained, feeling a mix of urgency and dread. “I don’t know how else to say it, but you need to be careful with what you’re causing. That class action lawsuit–” Seungmin cut him off, disbelief coloring his voice. “Did he send you to change our minds?” Jisung frowned at the accusation, frustration bubbling to the surface. “No! I’m not saying this to protect my parents!” The tightness in his chest grew as anger rushed through his veins. “He said that it’s going to be the last time Minho gets in their way. I’m trying to protect him!”, he insisted, glaring at Seungmin, feeling the gravity of his words. Minho stood between them, his expression unreadable as he took in the weight of Jisung's confession. “Protecting him with your lips on his?”, Seungmin shouted, his voice rising, his anger palpable as he attempted to walk past Minho. “Enough!”, Minho said, locking eyes with Jisung, who felt his heart race. “Does he want to murder me too?”, he asked, and Jisung’s brow furrowed in confusion as he shrugged his shoulders, shaking his head. “I don’t know. Just be careful”, Jisung replied, his voice strained as he turned to leave, hearing Seungmin mumble something inaudible behind him. The weight of the night felt heavier than ever, and the knot in his stomach only tightened as he stepped back into the chaos of the party.