Mi Appartieni

Chapter Fourteen

        Joshua did think about it. He can't believe he actually considered it for a fleeting moment. But that's all it was. A moment. 

He considered the possibility of leaving his life, his home, his family in Boston and moving to Italy. As quickly as he thought about it, he pushed that possibility into the back of his mind.

He can't. He can't leave the place he grew up, the place he started a business (even if the business wasn't doing very well), he can't leave Jeonghan and Seungcheol, the only family he has left. He can't. He needs to go home.

Whatever feelings Seokmin had for him will fade. He'll forget all about Joshua in a short time. He'll realize just how broken and unlovable Joshua was. He'll realize his mistake for liking him. Joshua was sure of it... almost.

It was nearly midnight when Joshua found Seokmin in the garden, watching as the gardeners worked into the night to remove already established flowers. Joshua wonders why Seokmin would want to remove fully bloomed, gorgeous flowers.

He approaches Seokmin cautiously, as if sneaking up on a lion. Joshua would be lying if he said he didn't feel even the smallest amount of relief by being in Seokmin's presence again.

"M-Mr. Lee?" Joshua manages to squeak out, nervous for how Seokmin would react to what he has to say. Seokmin turns his head slightly and sees Joshua. He faces forward again. "Still calling me Mr. Lee?"

Joshua comes up to Seokmin and stands next to him. "I-I'm sorry we haven't talked much since this afternoon. I had a lot of thinking to do." Seokmin doesn't look at him, just keeps watching the gardeners.

He had missed Joshua today. He wanted nothing more than to seek him out, hold onto him and never let go. He knows he had to give Joshua space though, he knows he needed to let him breathe for a moment.

Joshua takes a deep, shaky breath. "I uhm, I'm sure you know, but my flight is tomorrow morning at seven. I just... I wanted to thank you. Thank you for everything you've done for me the past week. Thank you for the kindness you've shown me." 

Seokmin's jaw clenches. "You're speaking as if you're saying goodbye."

Joshua takes another deep breath as he fiddles with his fingers in nervousness. "I-I want you to know that I thought about it. I really, really considered it. But... I can't stay here, Mr. Lee. I need to go back to Boston. It's my home. My whole life is there, Jeonghan and Seungcheol are there. Everything is there."

Seokmin is silent. He knew this would happen. A part of him thought Joshua would make the right decision, but the tiny, sane part of his brain knew this would be the answer Joshua gives him.

"But I'm here." Seokmin says as he faces Joshua. Joshua gulps. "I-I know. And... thank you for your feelings. It's very sweet of you but - but I still need to go home. I'm sorry." "So, you're leaving because your home and your life is in Boston. Not because you don't like me?"

Joshua's breath hitches in his throat as he meets Seokmin's intense gaze. "I - w-what do you mean?" "Think about it, Joshua. Think about how you feel about me. You've sought out comfort in me. You've seen how I can protect you and care for you. You don't have any feelings for me at all?"

Joshua can't believe the words that are gliding out of Seokmin's mouth as if they were so easy for him to say. 

Honestly, Joshua hadn't considered it. He was so hyper focused on how it was impossible for Seokmin to like him that he hadn't even considered his own feelings.

Somewhere along the way, Joshua had gotten used to the warmth that came with Seokmin. He was a scary, dangerous man, but the security that Joshua felt in his presence was undeniable.

He honestly didn't know what his feelings were toward Seokmin but there was no way he could like him the same way he likes Joshua. Joshua was still broken from his past. He had no room in his heart for any feelings like that.

So why did he seek out Seokmin's embrace? Why was his sleep undisturbed by the nightmares that plagued him because Seokmin holding was him? When did he stop cowering in front of the man standing before him and start feeling relief by being back in his presence?

"I-I've only known you six days. That's not nearly enough time to decide something as big as that." "I decided it the moment I laid my eyes on you." 

Joshua doesn't know how to respond to that. He doesn't know how to handle the strong confession and words of endearment that escape Seokmin's lips.

Something in Seokmin snaps. He can't let Joshua slip through his fingers this soon. He can't let him go. He needs to hold onto him, keep him by his side for just a little while longer.

"If it's not enough time, then it sounds like you need more time." Joshua meets Seokmin's eyes again. They're hooded over with darkness. Seokmin can feel the obsession and possessiveness taking over. "W-What do you mean?"

"You're not leaving tomorrow, Joshua. You will stay in Italy, with me, until you've had enough time to decide on your feelings."

Joshua's eyes go wide. He feels his heart pound in his chest at Seokmin's scary, intimidating words. Joshua looks up at Seokmin with a now scared expression.

Seokmin just bores into him with an unmoving, unrelenting seriousness. This isn't how he wanted it to be. But he had no choice. Joshua was his. And he's not letting go. Not now, not ever.