Mi Appartieni

Chapter Thirty-Seven

        History has a way of repeating itself. Everything comes back around eventually no matter how hard you try to avoid it or change things.

It was the first night without Seokmin and Joshua once again found himself fighting the insomnia he hoped would never plague him again. 

Joshua couldn't say he was surprised though. He knew that without Seokmin he would find himself on that same spot on the couch, staring out at the twinkling city, unable to sleep as the hours ticked by.

Joshua tried. He tried to fall asleep without being in Seokmin's arms but it was absolutely impossible. 

Maybe if he and Seokmin had more time together, maybe if they had a proper goodbye it wouldn't have been this hard. But since the two were practically ripped from each other, it made it impossible to get even an hour of rest.

After Seokmin left, Jeonghan and Seungcheol tried to talk to Joshua. They tried to justify their reasons but everything just felt like a blur. Joshua felt like he couldn't hear them, couldn't understand them. Nothing made sense now that Seokmin was no longer by his side.

It also didn't help that Jeonghan and Seungcheol were spending the night to make sure Joshua was okay. 

Two bodyguards were stationed outside his door and even more outside his building. It felt suffocating. It felt like they were trapping him to make sure he didn't try to go to Seokmin rather than to protect him.

Joshua needed to be alone so he insisted on sleeping on the couch while convincing the two of them to take the bed. Joshua knew he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway and he would just be looking out his living room window, letting his mind go to dark places with the events that happened today.

Joshua doesn't blame Jeonghan and Seungcheol. He understands why they did it but he wishes they would have just listened to him better rather than making threats.

Joshua knew it was going to take time to convince them that what he and Seokmin shared was real. He just hoped and prayed he would be able to convince them sooner rather than later. He doesn't know how long he can go without Seokmin.

Seokmin on the other hand was sitting in his office back in Italy, the bright morning sun shining through the windows. It was a stark contrast to the darkness he felt within his heart.

He was watching the livestream from the camera he had in Joshua's apartment. He wasn't surprised to see Joshua wide awake, sitting in that same spot on his couch and looking out to the Boston city line. He knew neither of them wouldn't be able to rest without the other.

Seokmin felt the pit in his stomach deepened when he sees the tears stream down Joshua's face. He wanted more than anything to be there next to him to wipe them away. He wanted to hold Joshua close and never let go again.

He should have put up more of a fight. He shouldn't have walked away, leaving Joshua behind. He knows they were stuck between a rock and a hard place though. He knows there was not much either of them could do.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan weren't going to back down so Joshua was bravely the one to do it. Even if it broke his heart in the process. It was all to protect them. And now, the only thing they could do was hope and pray that things fall into place and they could be back by each other's side again.

**

Joshua felt numb. He tried to keep himself busy by working at the cafe just as much as he did when he was the only employee.

Chan and Vernon were worried about him. He was there from open to close everyday, even on his designated day off. Nothing could convince him to go home or take a break. Not only that, they saw a very obvious change in him. He was quieter, more reserved... sadder.