Achromatic Adventure

Unraveling

The ride home was suffocating in its silence. The air in the SUV felt thick, like the kind of tension that hangs over an argument that hasn't happened yet. I couldn't quite shake the image of Turstin's face as he walked away from me, his back turned, that same indifference I had seen in him the last time he pulled away at the dinner table.

He said he wanted what was best for me, but why didn't it feel like it?

Seren kept her eyes on the road, both hands gripping the steering wheel like it might break from the pressure. Nash's gaze flickered back and forth between the rearview mirror and me, his hand warm against mine, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I didn't want his sympathy. Not now. Not when the ache inside me was too deep, too raw to cover with platitudes. Turstin was his friend, after all, as childish as it may have seemed I felt like he was a sore thumb sticking out when it came to being in the car with Seren and I after all this. I wanted to be grateful that he cared so much about me, but honestly I wasn't sure why he did in the first place.

"You okay?" Nash's voice was soft, like he didn't want to break me any further, but his voice was grating as it pulled me from my thoughts.

I glanced over at him, feeling a swell of frustration. "Do I look okay?"

Seren let out a frustrated breath, one that told me she was so done with the drama. "No one asked for your opinions, Nash."

I could feel his face flush, but he didn't say anything back, instead turning his focus to the window as we passed the familiar streets leading out of campus.

I sank further into the seat, my eyes closing for a moment. The rush of memories flooded back, overwhelming. Turstin's laugh, the way he would steal bites of my lunch when I wasn't looking, the way he whispered my name like it was a secret only the two of us shared. But that was all before the black-and-white world. Before the colors drained from his eyes, from our bond.

I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the confusion that was making my heart splinter with every passing second.

"Lil, you have to know that... that wasn't you," Seren's voice was low, careful, like she was treading on fragile ground. "You didn't do anything wrong. He's the one who walked away. And yeah, he's going to be at school, but you don't owe him an explanation. Don't let him control you, okay?"

I didn't answer her, but I appreciated the words, even if they didn't feel real. What did it matter? He had been mine, and now he wasn't. Not the way he used to be. Not at all, apparently.

"I just..." I started, my voice cracking. "I don't know how to make sense of it. He said... he said he still loves me, Seren. He called me his wife like it was nothing. Like he was sure. And then—then he just walked away like it didn't matter. How can it not matter? After everything, after we—"

"You're not a second choice, Lil," Seren cut me off firmly. "He doesn't get to have you when it's convenient for him. You deserve more than that. Way more. If he won't change and he doesn't want to grow with you there is nothing you can do about that."

She pulled into the driveway, the sound of gravel crunching beneath the tires grounding me back in the moment. We had arrived. Home. A place that, for all its familiarity, felt like an alien world in the aftermath of what just happened.

I didn't move when she stopped the car. Didn't even look up at the house. My mind was still with Turstin, replaying his words, his touch, over and over, as if by some miracle, I could find meaning in the chaos.

Nash squeezed my hand. "Lil, you know we've got you, right?"

I nodded slowly, but the words felt like they were stuck in my throat. I was grateful for them. Grateful for Seren's biting sarcasm, for Nash's sincerity, for everything they'd done for me since this whole nightmare started. But I still felt like I was on the edge of something I couldn't cross. I was sinking, drowning, and every time I thought I could surface, Turstin's ghost pulled me back under.