Hopeless Shadow

Chapter 10 - Why is She?

For Soobin, who no longer has anyone in this world, Yerin is his only hope. A hope that can make Soobin get through life in peace. So, he is determined never to leave her. Now that he knows the truth that he is already dead and understands why Yerin is so broken and constantly doing reckless things because of him, Soobin feels even more unwilling to leave.

Then the crazy old woman in front of him, with her know-it-all attitude, told Soobin to stay away from the girl. Something that Soobin could never do. So, he responded to the old woman's words by saying, "I don't want to."

The old woman glared at him. "That's why I said you'll ruin her life. She won't stop doing bad things until you stop following her."

Hearing that, Soobin's heart wavered. He realized that ever since he first followed Yerin, she always seemed sad. She always looked like all the positive energy inside her had been drained away. Was it really because of Soobin?

But Soobin didn't want to leave her. He knew he was being selfish. Although, on the other hand, he also wanted to see Yerin live a normal and happy life. What should he do? If what the old woman said was true, to make the girl smile again, Soobin would have to leave her.

It was so difficult. Soobin couldn't just leave for the afterlife—he had to wait for the one who hadn't let go of his death to accept his departure. And he was sure that person was Yerin.

Yerin hadn't let go of him—and he couldn't let go either. He had to leave so the girl could be happy again, but Yerin wasn't happy with him gone from this world. It was all so confusing. Damn!

He ran through the wind in frustration. On the way to school, he couldn't stop thinking about this. Should he leave? Should he keep following Yerin?

Without realizing it, Soobin had already arrived at the school, at the park where he and Ahjussi often talked. "Ahjussi? Are you here?" He looked around, searching for the old man's ghost.

"Yes, I'm here." Ahjussi appeared suddenly without warning, sitting on a bench as if he had been there all along. "What's going on?" he asked.

Soobin sat beside him and began telling him everything that had been troubling his mind. About who he was, about the girl. Ahjussi listened carefully, nodding in response.

"How can I leave if Yerin hasn't let me go?" Soobin asked.

Ahjussi paused for a moment, then spoke, "You know, to make someone else let go, we have to let go ourselves first. Do you understand what I mean?" Ahjussi asked before continuing, "We can't force others to do what we want, but we can do it ourselves."

Soobin tilted his head, a little confused by Ahjussi's words.

Ahjussi, noticing his confusion, explained further, "Look, if by stopping following her, the girl can get her life back, and you're willing to do that, then do it." He stared at Soobin, who was about to protest, but before he could, Ahjussi continued, "You don't need to worry, the girl might be devastated because she just lost someone, but I'm sure she'll forget you over time."

Ahjussi spoke like this while gazing at the sky, as if talking to someone far away. Knowing that his own son hadn't let him go, Soobin was sure that Ahjussi's words were also his own hope.

Ahjussi once told him that he had followed his son everywhere, watched over him from a distance, then stopped doing that so he could find peace when he left—no longer worrying about his son. With the fact that Ahjussi was still here, it was clear that his son was still holding on. But Ahjussi had decided to truly leave, to let go, hoping that his son would do the same soon.

Soobin nodded, understanding. He also needed to make his decision quickly. But he still wasn't sure which path to take. Should he do what the man in front of him had done?

In the following days, Soobin continued to search for his lost memories while wondering whether he should leave Yerin alone or not.

Actually, Soobin had already decided. Yes, he would stop following her. It was an extremely hard decision, of course, but he didn't want to witness the girl having negative thoughts and trying to end her life again. So even though he didn't want to, Soobin finally decided to leave.

Before doing that, Soobin wanted to follow Yerin one last time and say goodbye. Only after that would he wait patiently for the girl—or someone else, he wasn't sure who—that would eventually let go and accept his death.

Today, Yerin went to the library again after school hours had ended. She was reading many books, as usual. Soobin felt a little empty knowing that this was the last time he would witness the girl doing this habit of hers.

Time passed, and night showed itself. Yerin once again managed to fool the school guard, hiding while the man in his forties made his rounds. Now she was trapped again, or more accurately, she was locking herself in.

Unlike usual, Yerin didn't turn on her phone's flashlight. She rummaged through her bag, pulling out a long white object. A candle. Yerin grabbed something else, a match, from her bag. She lit the candle in the dark of the night.

After that, she did nothing else. She just sat, staring at the small flame of the candle on the library table. Soobin too, sitting on the opposite bench, directly facing her, staring at the candle from the other side.

"Hey... I'm going to leave," Soobin said quietly, resting his chin on the table, unable to look at Yerin's face. "You'll be okay, right?" he continued.

The girl then did the same thing as he did, resting her chin on the table, making Soobin automatically unable to avoid looking at her face again.

"I hope you'll let me go soon. I want you to be happy."

Soobin sighed and turned his face. His eyes looked out the window, the moon was incredibly beautiful tonight, but he felt sad because he had to say goodbye. Then he looked up. No, no, don't be sad. Let's make this goodbye a happy one.

Soobin quickly smiled. "Look at the moon, it's really beautiful." Still staring at the moon, which looked as beautiful as the girl in front of him—Soobin chuckled to himself thinking about it, then said, "Of course, you're more beautiful."

Soobin continued talking to himself, not realizing that all along, the girl had already lifted her head suddenly, as if startled, then started sobbing without warning.

He only heard her sobbing when he finally looked at her. What's wrong? Why was Yerin suddenly crying?

While sobbing, Soobin could see the girl's eyes staring at him. But of course, she wasn't really looking at him, right? Soobin was confused, looking around, searching for whatever the girl was looking at, and found nothing but tall bookshelves around them.

"Hey. What's wrong?" Soobin asked, bewildered.

Yerin continued to cry, covering her mouth, trying to hold back the moaning sound that was coming out. "I'm sorry," Yerin sobbed, her eyes never leaving Soobin, who was showing a confused face.

Soobin couldn't bear to see Yerin crying. He approached and gently stroked her head. "Don't cry, you'll be okay," Soobin said, trying to comfort her.

Yerin shook her head. "No. I won't be okay."

Yerin's words were unclear due to her sobs, but Soobin realized that the girl had just responded to his words. He hesitated as he pulled his hand away from her head. He was completely confused. Yerin didn't really respond, did she?

At first, Soobin thought the girl's words were just a coincidence, but that thought was shattered when Yerin continued, sobbing, "I will never be okay, Choi Soobin. I'm sorry. Please come back. It should've been me who died."[]