My suicide had been two years in the making when I decided not to follow through at the last minute.
Over the past decade, I've written poems, books, short stories, fanfiction and hundreds of thousands of words, but nothing felt complete. This coll...
Had a fab quality time sibling weekend with the brobeans, watching the first six Harry Potter's and deliberately making myself ill, eating HD salted caramel ice cream by the buckets, which I thoroughly enjoyed despite how that sounds. I felt like a Christmassy princess á lá Rapunzel. Behold:
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Sam made a genius pun. Would normally never willingly share anything that proves he's the better Pouwels, but... *loud cracking resounds over the early 2000s boombox speaker, my voice rumbles as I mouth-breath into the microphone* this one's for the lovers and the Dutchies.
Ik tegen Sam: jij doet de rijst Sam, immediately: RIJSTLEIDER
We went swimming yesterday and the water was 4.5 *C!!!!!!!! I was in pain.
Had my first psychologist appointment this morning. All things considered, it went horribly. I felt exactly the same leaving as when I arrived, perhaps worse. This lady had me rambling nonsense to stop her from continuously saying "so..........." Did have a good rainy walk there and back again. 2/10.
23:44pm It was a sauna and ice bath night with the gals. Loved, loved, loved it. The ice bath especially. Shocker. Everyone was doing breathing exercises whilst I was being entertained by the look of utter concentration on Empi's face. Surreal what conditioning can do to a person's temperature resistance. They were struggling through the three minutes and I was hanging out, floating, contemplating whether to dunk my head under or try and save my bangs from another meltdown. Made me feel great, like I wouldn't just have survived a brutal winter 10.000 BC, but entered spring with a new cute mammoth coat, after a successful solo hunt, too. A mammoth that would've clothed all my family and friends and fed them to chunky proportions. Because I can do anything.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Negative Nancy #39 — 27/11/2024
04:37am Somehow accidentally unfollowed G???? HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN I HADN'T BEEN ON IG IN TEN DAYS??? Can't start following him again cause he'll think it's a cry for attention and I refuse to feed into that. Can't believe I'm freaking out over this, I need to get over myself and become surgically inseparable from a new hobby. Beekeeping? Should I give planting garlic another go? Pottery? Wish spearfishing wasn't illegal here. Anyways, does anyone know what to do with dread so heavy it gets hard to breathe? Has anyone figured that out yet?
The fact Aquamarine by Addison Rae came out on my birthday when aquamarine was one of my favourite movies and gemstones growing up and the lyrics describe one particular aspect of the 25th perfectly, is frankly, wild.
05:55am Can't sleep. A groundbreaking event that has never occurred before this night. Kinda hungry so I might just give up, make myself an elaborate breakfast and have a nap after. Kinda want to take a walk to my favourite farm because the cows there are weirdly quiet at night but will yak themselves silly from dawn 'til dusk because they're such happy ladies and it's so wholesome they make me want to cry until all the blood vessels in my eyes burst.
I've begun jotting down notes for new poems but the lion's share is about G and let's just say my resolution of less fist-clenching has not been off to an optimistic start.
