BETA SQUAD ONESHOTS!! (BXB)

I'll be okay. {Aj X Beta Squad}

Angst
Platonic parings + romantic paring
Aj X Beta Squad, Aj X Niko

TW suicidal thoughts, suicide

The morning sunlight shone through the blinds, beaming straight onto Aj's face. Aj wakes up to the sound of the clock ticking steady, nauseating, engraved into his mind. His fingers traced the edge of the pillow beside him, where Niko should be. But Niko's already up, taking a shower or doing something a little more useful in his life than Aj was. Aj laid still, glaring at the ceiling, the thoughts in his head swirling like a tornado getting ready to devour a city.

Recently, Aj's mind had been spinning constantly. It felt like he wasn't good enough, or that the world was against him. He hadn't eaten in weeks, had little to no energy, argued with every person that came across his path. There was nothing good coming out of his life, recording videos seemed pointless. He just had to put on an act. Not that he never put an act on anyways. His whole life was a constant movie, and he was just the good for nothing, side character.

Day after day of putting on this sick charade that he was all okay will finally be paid off. Hiding behind humour and acting stupid. Taking slips of himself on everyone's phones to remember him. Getting on Kenny's back and letting him carry him around. Giving Sharky any clothing or jewellery that he compliments, because Aj doesn't see any use for them when he's gone. Making fun of everything and anything with Chunkz and Darkest. And Niko... Niko obviously saw the cracks deep down Aj's soul. Aj didn't know how to tell him that he loved him more than words could describe.

And it's not like Aj's not tried to get better. Talking therapy, medication, anything. But it was just something deep engraved into him that felt like he was slowly withering away. The weight of the world, his world, feels too heavy. The emptiness inside him is too deep. And he was already way too tired to fight those feelings away too.

But today though, today Aj just knew it would be his last day.

Niko's voice echoed from the kitchen as Aj dragged himself out of bed. The house was quiet, almost too quiet. Aj tried to focus on the prettier sounds like Niko's soft humming of Adele as he made breakfast. He could hear the clatter of the pan, the sizzling sound of oil but all he could focus on was his own heartbeat pulsing too loud in his ears.

"Morning, baby!" Niko called out, carefree, not knowing what was going on in his lovers mind. "How'd you sleep?"

"Morning... Your cooking..?" Aj asked, choosing to dodge Niko's question. It was always a pleasant surprise to see Niko in the kitchen, knowing he cooked like Gordan Ramsey. But Aj, again, didn't have the energy to be excited about it.

Niko nodded infuriatingly bright, "Mhm!" He grinned, "Pancakes, your favourite!"

"Oh."

The words should've brought a smile to Aj's face, but they didn't. He just felt so distant, so out of reach. He watched Niko as he moved around the kitchen, his outgoing personality a stark contrast to the heaviness crushing against Aj's chest. Niko was so bright, so full of life, and Aj couldn't help but feel like he was watching him from another world. That the life that Niko had inside of him would soon be sucked dry if Aj stayed around him too long.

"Yeah..." Aj said, forcing a weak smile. "Sounds great."

But even as he said it, the words tasted like ash in his mouth. He didn't care about pancakes. He didn't care about anything. All he could think about was how tired he was. How every day felt like a chore, how his mind never stopped spinning, never gave him a moment of peace.

"You alright Aje?" Niko asked, turning around, his eyebrows furrowing in worry. He was squinting at Aj now, really looking at him, like he could see through the mask. Aj's heart skipped a beat at how well Niko could read him, but he quickly avoided his thoughts with a shrug. Letting the words slip out before he could stop them. Because he didn't want to lie to Niko. Not today, today Niko deserved the truth.