HEAT |OMEGAVERSE| ⚣ ✔️

And Then We Were Three

JASPER'S POV

I knew that today would be our final drive to the hospital, in regard to Oliver.

I knew I'd be anxious.

I knew I'd be exhausted.

And I knew I'd be excited.

What I didn't expect to feel so intensely was unprepared, scared, and... unworthy.

How could I be a parent? A good one at that, after my own upbringing in this world. The reality is crashing down harder on me than I could have ever imagined as my anxiety gets, my eyes continuously flickering over to the time on the dashboard as we get closer.

I'm not sure how my mother did it. How she managed it all, despite my father's abuse. There wasn't ever a time where I doubted my mother's love, her certainty, and her ability to care for me, even with the difficult life she was, and still is forced to live.

I wanted more than anything to reach out to her again after I left home at eighteen. But I didn't, I couldn't...and I knew she wouldn't have wanted me to. I still remember our conversation before I left, how she begged me to never call home, to never step foot in there again, that she would be okay without me.

I wish I could believe she's okay. That thought always lingers in the back of my mind, surfacing no matter how life distracts me.

And now that I have Alex and Oliver in my life, seeing her again just seems like a risk I'm not sure I'm ready to begin calculating. Even if Alex said I could, that he'd make sure my father couldn't hurt us, I'm not ready to unpack all that trauma. We've already been through too much, and today we finally get to take Oliver home, which I need to keep my focus on.

"Love, are you alright?" Alex asks softly, grabbing my clammy and mostly clenched hand.

His fingers brush over the ring he slid onto my finger last night, and I relax at his touch, my fingers uncurling themselves, to lace through his. My shoulders slouch just enough to where they aren't pinned tight against the seat anymore.

"I'm—just nervous. I don't feel ready." I breathe out, my eyes glancing over to my fiancé then back to the window. "He's really going to be coming home with us today, it's just so...unreal." I could even hear the slight bit of panic in my words at the end there.

Alex lets out a light chuckle, his hand gripping mine as he places it in his lap. "You should have seen how I reacted after Sadie was born, I wasn't sure I was capable of being a parent, or a good one at that."

My head turns over to this handsome man, and his features soften before he continues.

"But then I remembered my mother. I remembered that I wasn't completely my father—despite looking just like the asshole. I remembered that I carry the heart of the woman who brought me into this world, and will continue to display her love that she instilled in me as a child no matter my flaws."

My lips curve into a small smile at those words, it's like he could hear my internal thoughts—my fears. It just reminds me of why, and how much I love this man. The way he can comfort me like no other, the way that he truly has a heart of fucking gold. He'd do anything for the people that he loves, and there's not a single piece of me that doubts that.

"I try and remind myself of my mother as well, that I'm not my father." I say shortly, not wanting to speak too heavily on the subject of my father, only being a few minutes away from the hospital now.