Alone

N I N E

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I emerge from my duvet, picking up my alarm clock of the beside table and throw it across the other side of the room causing it to hit the wall and smash into pieces.

I was not a morning person.

I roll back over and doze off into a deep sleep.

-

Next thing I knew I was being abruptly woken, sweat dripping from my brow. I began to shake and I immediately lurched my body in an upward motion.

It must have been a nightmare.

I stuck one leg out of the heavy duvet and placed it on my bedroom floor, letting the fluffy strands on the rug poke between my toes.

Reaching for my phone, I flip my other leg out of the covers so it joins the other one that just dangled there.

Holy crap. It was 11am. School started at 9am and this means it was my second day of being late. Now I regretted having a tantrum with my alarm clock, it would have saved me from Mr Parsons yelling again.

I jump out of bed and rush to my bathroom, hitting my head off of the dangling switch.

"Shit shit shit" I screech, rubbing my forehead where I had been hit.

I looked over to the mirror and begin to thank the Lord I didn't need a shower because my showers usually took about 10 hours to have.

I actually didn't look bad this morning and that was a change considering I normally wake up as a wookiee.

I grab a hairbrush off the side and heavily start yanking at my knotty hair. Once I had finished I take hold of the jeans I wore the day before and roughly put them on, catching the button on my wrist. Crap.

I look down and see blood all over my skin. Great, that's just what I needed.

I fetch a tissue from the bathroom and swipe the remaining blood off my wrist, walking over to my wardrobe to pick out another tee that Cal will hopefully like again.

I finally settle on a Fall Out Boy tour tee and pull it over my basic black bra. How fetching Molly.

Heading downstairs, I pull out my earphones and select the only song that made me calm down which was Blink 182's 'Miss You'. That was the shit.

It always reminded me of how John used to play it on his guitar to me and Effie, making us giggle every single time. I miss those days and I miss both Effie and John.

I got so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't realize I was crying. Grow up Molly, seriously? Effie's gone now and so is John, so just forget about them and have a good life while you can.

Of course that's not how I felt last night when I cut. It wasn't my first time either.

I used to self harm after I found out that my parents left but I got counselling for that on Monday nights. I thought I was over it but last night brought it all gushing back and now I know I'm where I was about 7 years ago. In water, drowning whilst everyone else is perfectly swimming. And once you're at that stage, there's no going back. The previous time it happened, I had Effie to pull me out of depression but I have nobody anymore. I'm alone and that scares me the most.

"Where the hell are my shoes?" I curse to myself, scoping the porch for my black vans.

Eventually finding them, I slip in my feet and clutch the keys, I had just pulled off the counter, in my hand.

The door swings open with the wind and nearly comes off its hinges. I just love Sydney weather.

As I reach the end of the path, I prise my earphones from my tight pocket and place one in my ear. Looking up I see a black figure emerging from the garage next door and I stand still. Why am I standing still? It's not like I'm already late...