Tears in the Stars

The Story of Mom

I know I haven't said much about Mom, but I aught to. She is probably the nicest lady you will ever meet. She has long, blonde hair. Her eyes are...green I believe. Possibly a bright hazel. She is always caring and courteous. A very upstanding citizen if you ask me. My mom and I weren't very close. I mean, yes she is  quite nice, but we just didn't get along. I do remember one night in particular. I was feeling really heartbroken over something. I don't remember what is was, but apparently she was quite stressed about it, also. We were at home and no one had spoken the whole night. A silent dinner was accompanied by everyone dispersing through the house. Not wanting to look at each other. I can't help but think it was something I did or caused that made everyone feel this way. Even my brother and sister had gotten a distaste for me this particular evening.

I was sitting on my freshly cleaned comforter admiring the way it smoothly laid over the rounded corner of my mattress and flowed to the ground. I began to pick at one of the large flowers that protruded from its light green surface. There was a knock on my door. I said nothing, but glanced up as the handle turned and my mother's face appeared through the doorway, which was only revealing the hall outside by an inch or so. She opened the door a little wider, her sharp face looking around the corner and at me, who was still sitting idly on the bed.

"Can I come in?" I still see her mouth move. I nodded. "What is it?" I asked quite rudely. Instead of replying, she sat down on the bed next to me, making it sink only a slight bit on the right side. She smoothed out her skirt and tucked her hair behind her ear. "We need to talk about what happened." I nodded. At this point of the memory, everything plays like a movie with no sound. She talks and makes gestures with her hands. I say nothing, but continue picking at the flower, occasionally nodding or shaking my head to show that I'm listening and that I understand. The sound fades back in.

"...just wanted you to know that we all still love you and hope that everything can be forgiven." she finishes, giving me an uncomfortable look. I still remember how I felt. A lump formed in my throat and I felt my heart sink. My eyes began to moisten and my green walls blurred with the shaggy carpet on the floor. Without warning, I burst into tears; sobbing with my head in my hands. This part always makes me smile because Mom didn't pat my back or try to talk me out of my tears. She simply sat there and waited until I was done. At one point she actually got up and quietly began straightening the pictures and knick knacks on top of my small dresser. I began to calm down and stayed with my arms crossed and my eyes looking down at my lap.

Mom sat back down as my last tears fell and I began to calm down. Then, she didn't say a word. She just wrapped her arms around my shoulders and let a few of her own tears fall down onto my dark brown, freshly straightened hair. When we both sat back up, my gaze returned to my lap and my mom stood up. As she walked toward the door, she stopped, turning back around and pulling something from her small bag. She placed it in my lap. I didn't touch it until I heard the door shut and her small footsteps travel down the hall. I looked up to make sure the door was closed and picked up the small book that sat in my lap. Opening the cover, the front page revealed a picture of my mother and I at the zoo on a kindergarten field trip. My arms are pulled in and my face reveals a big, toothy smile. My mom has me in her arms and appears to try to be hugging me as I laugh and try to squirm away. There was also a list written in my mom's perfect, curly handwriting. There were a few smudges, but I didn't mind.

A List Of Why I Love You:

1.You're my daughter.

2.You're kind and caring.

3.You make wonderful cookies.

4.You're YOU! :)

I set the book on my bedside table and opened my dresser, pulling out a pair of my favorite silky pajamas. After quietly slipping them on, I opened my door and tiptoed down the hall to the top of the stairs. On all fours, I peeked around the corner and into the living room below. My brother and sister sat on the floor eating small bowls of chocolate ice cream and watching scooby doo in their pajamas. I would give anything to do that again. I turned around, went back into my room, and shut the door.

I believe I was around thirteen when that happened, and although you may think the ending was weird where I crawled on all fours, you MUST understand that it is a tool all children must have. Stealth. If you are, have been, or ever will be a child, you absolutely have to know that spying on people (especially parents) is fun and essential in getting the inside scoop. Especially if you have siblings! I used to creep out of my room in the morning and sit at the top of the stairwell, listening to my parents discuss an infinite number of matters. Sometimes their discussions were about me. I can't tell you how many times I improved my grades because I heard my parents talk about grounding me. "Oh you are doing so well in school lately!" They would always say, Suckers. Whenever I would hear my mom say "Better go wake up (my name)" or "I wonder why the kids aren't up yet!" I would go scrambling back to my room and crawl under the covers, pretending like I knew nothing.

Although my mom and I were never close, I sure wish she was here. Maybe she is and I just can't see her. I don't know anything for sure anymore. My life is slowly playing out in my mind like some sort of screwed up time line. I remember something, though...about what happened to me. My phone rang. I don't know if it was a text or call, but as my boyfriend's tears hit me, my phone rang. It was Mom. I don't think that helps me, though. It makes no sense. Another story; another emptyhanded recount of a pointless time of my henceforth pointless life. I'm just left to drift until I see the light of day again. If I see the light of day again.