I can't even explain to you what it's like to not have anything. The confusion, the drifting in and out of consciousness. It kills me. I can't explain how I see. My eyes feel shut, and all I see is darkness. That's what it looks like before I remember something. Sometimes, however, I can open my eyes. I cant see my arms, legs, or body. I'm looking in one direction. I can't feel anything. I don't know what's down; what's up. I couldn't tell you where I am. But in those few moments when my eyes open, I see stars. Stars scattered all throughout the darkness, passing by me at unimaginable speeds, their light smearing its way across my vision. Although I can't feel, there is a coolness or chill about this new area. It looks like space or some magic world. It can't be real, though. Everything feels like a dream.
I cry a lot out here. I am all alone, after all. The tears bubble up in my eyes and then float away, turning into just one of the millions of stars surrounding my body (or lack of.) Sometimes, everything goes still. The churning, gaseous, purple clouds that I watch so often stop. It's always completely silent. There's no ringing in my ears, and I feel more alone than ever. Whenever I try to move, it's like there's nothing there. Where my arms were is now just an empty space. My legs; nothing. Sometimes I remember what it was like to feel, but when I do, it's just an unbearable cold, and I push the memories away.
If you've ever been given "laughing gas" at the dentist, you know what its like. Nothing really matters. The dentist could drill away at your mouth and your sort of....dead to the world. I'd give anything to know what happened. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs, but I can't feel them anymore. I never knew I could feel my lungs until I stopped being able to. I have no sense of time. It feels like I've been here thousands and thousands of years. I feel like an alien in a strange new land. I want desperately for someone to reach up and pull me out of this beautiful place I call Hell. And I wait for hours, days, or maybe even years for someone to help me; like a baby crying in its crib. No one ever does. I struggle every day, but I'm so helpless. There's nothing to do but sit here. Watching my tears in the stars.
YOU ARE READING
Tears in the Stars
Genç KurguWhat would you do if you lost everything, even memories, and didn't know how or why? What if all you saw were stars, and you were lost? What if you didn't know your name? Join a young (or is she old?) woman on her journey of memories and futures to...
