Tears in the Stars

The Final Gathering

Everyone is sitting in chairs. I swear there's hundreds of people here. It's a funeral home. I'm in the casket. Not old me. Sixteen year old Sandy. It must have been a few days since I've died. I look strangely normal and alive, but when I place my hand on my physical body's forehead, I'm just as cold as the morgue. I guess you stay that way after you die. At least I can feel a little bit. For now. There are bunches of flowers everyone. Huge bouquets and vases with a single rose. My hands are wrapped around a tulip, and there are countless notes laid by my body. Some of them have full paragraphs, and others just say "miss you."

 My parents are seated by my casket, and so is Derick. I smile. That's how my aunt's visitation was. Her husband on one side and her parents on the other. Derick wasn't my husband obviously, but I'm happy they did that, anyway.

All my friends and family are walking up to my body and whispering things to me (my body, anyway), my parents, and Derick. Suddenly, voices fill the room and the gentle music is nothing more than a background drone. No one's lips are moving, but I hear everyone saying things like, "I'm glad it wasn't my daughter." or, "Her poor parents." I'm hearing people's thoughts. I focus on my friend, Trina. "I wonder if it hurt," she thinks.

I focus on Derick. "I would have married her someday."  A tear falls from my face. "You're right. You would have. No matter what I saw," I tell him.I focus on Mom, and I hear nothing. Her stare is blank like her mind. Dad is thinking, "I wish this was over." He has no idea. I wish it just never happened. I locate my brother and sister. Robby has on a little tuxedo, and Amanda has on a little black dress that was mine when I was little.

"When will she wake up?' Thinks Amanda. I walk over and kiss her forehead. "I wish I could," I reply. "Why didn't she say goodbye?" Thinks Robby. I kneel in front of him and set my hands on his arms. "I did say goodbye," I think back to him. A tear slides down my cheek, and I whisper, "I did say goodbye." He stares at my dead body. My voice gets louder. "Robby, I'm here. I'm RIGHT here, LOOK here! I said goodbye to you, I'm sorry! Please Robby, LOOK AT ME!" I whip my hand up to his chin to avert his gaze, but it just goes right through him. He just stares at the casket some more. I stand again, giving up.

 I walk over to Shannon, who has obviously been introduced to Dorothy. "God, why?" Thinks Shannon. I stand in front of her. She looks in my direction, but past me. "God didn't do this." I put my hand on her shoulder. "He didn't." I look at Dorothy. Her eyes are red and she's clutching a handkerchief. "I didn't even get to give her the birthday present," she thinks. I chuckle. Oh, man. That's just like Dorothy. "You did." I think to her. "You gave me much more than that, Grandma." I wrap my arms around her tiny shoulders, and hear a clicking noise.

I turn around and see them close my casket. Some people burst into tears. I still hear all the voices of people's thoughts. One sticks out. It's louder than the rest. I can't find who it belongs to. I look at my casket and realize it's being carried away. Everyone is leaving and getting into their cars for the burial. I sit in the funeral home alone for a while until I feel the wind. Everything is wiped away. I don't know how many more times this will happen, so I close my eyes and enjoy the ride. The breeze is still cold, but feels good. Everything goes still and I open my eyes again. Derick, Shannon, my friend Tony, my friend Cat, and my uncle are all pallbearers. There's another man, and I have no clue who he is...or wait, do I?

It's the man who killed me. They bring my casket up to the stand and sit again as the preacher speaks. Several people come up and talk about my life including Derick and Shannon. Derick even says something about, "...losing a great friend, sister, daughter, confidant, and my future wife." I stand in the back crying the whole time. I don't know what's next. Slowly, people start leaving as the rain starts coming down again. That's all that's happened this week from what I understand. Several people were talking about it at the visitation. The funeral ends with a verse of Amazing Grace, as usual. Some people stand and walk away. Others hug or converse. I can still hear that voice, but I don't know who it is.

My parents and Derick are the last to leave. They took the same car. The voice of someone's thoughts are still in my head, but I can't figure out who. I look around. That's when I see him. The man who killed me. He walks over to my casket and thinks louder than ever. He shuts his eyes and bows his head as if he's praying. The rain soaks through the blue mesh tent, drenching his black suit.

"Why'd you have to go? I'm so sorry. I stayed late at work. I was in a hurry to get home, so I took thte old intersection. No one uses that thing. I was speeding, going fifty in a twenty five. I just wanted to get to dinner, and I was really angry at my boss. As I approached the intersection, my phone started to ring. It was my wife. As I reached into my pocket, I dropped the phone on the floorboards. I reached down for a second to grab it, but pressed ignore out of anger and looked up again. That's when I saw you. Your eyes got so wide, and I knew it was bad when you slid into the middle of the intersection, trying to stop. I was so close to you. I slammed on the brakes and tried to swerve, but only managed to slide sideways. I felt the car shake when I hit you, and I heard the impact of your back on the sign. By the time help arrived, it was too late. There was a dent on my car, and I could see the outline of every part of you I hit. I watched you die that day. I was angry when I was driving because my boss had forgotten to fax a report I had written to corporate. That was a few days ago, and I couldn't manage to forgive him....but you. YOU had the bravery and kindness in your heart to forgive me when you knew. You knew," He bursts into tears. "You were gonna die."

Tears pour down my cheeks. "It's okay," I cried. "It's okay because I forgive you and I know it was an accident. I know how bad you must feel, but it'll be okay." I pause. "Things will never be the same, but I don't want you to feel like this is all because of you." He sits on the ground, his breaths coming out in short gasps. I hug him. "It's okay." I repeat.

The wind starts up. A few hours pass. I'm in Derick's room. He's crying on his bed, and I know he has been for some time. I wrap my arm around him, and he stops. He looks around. I know he can feel me. He scoots over and rubs the sheets next to him, exactly where I'm sitting. "Sandy," he whispers. "I love you." He bursts into tears and so do I. "I love you too, Derick." I say. He lays down in bed, shaking from crying. I lay next to him, and stare at the light. It flickers. "I know you're here." He whispers. I flicker it again and he stretches him arms out like he's hugging someone laying next to him. He is. I stroke his hair. "Goodbye Derick. Goodbye forever. I love you." He stares like he can see me. For a minute, I think he can. He cries himself to sleep, and I watch him for a while.

The rain pours, tapping on his window. I feel the wind. It's warm. For the first time, it's warm. It pulls me away. One last time.