You can never be ready

5. Getting it out (Mitch)

I slammed the door behind me and locked it. I couldn't face Scott right now. No. Not with all those weird thoughts running around in my head. I remembered everything that happened yesterday with Damian. How I messed up by telling him that I wanted to kiss Scott and not him. Safe to say that dating Damian wasn't an option anymore. I hated myself for that. For drinking all this tequila, for hurting Damian, for being in love with Scott.

Damn this cute blonde giant with the goofy smile. Damn the way he makes me feel better by just being there, caring for me without questioning. Goddamn the fact that he's straight. I can't make him mine and it sucks. Really does.

Therefor I tried to ignore his relentless knocking at my door. I yelled at him, twice, telling him to leave me alone. Did I want to be alone? No. I wanted to be with him. In his arms. But that wasn't possible and never would be.

I felt tears prickling in my eyes and my throat tightening to release small sobs. I quickly turned on my music, not wanting Scott to listen in on me crying like a pathetic teenage girl.

Time passed as I laid in my bed. I didn't cry for long but I felt mentally exhausted and uncomfortable. I knew that in some point of time I needed to go out my room where Scott was probably waiting for me. He was worried when I locked myself in here. I had seen it in his faces, heard it in his voice.

What to do, what to do?

Suddenly there was another knock on my door. I turned down the music to answer to it.

"Scott I did tell you that I need time to think. Please leave me alone" I said, trying to make my voice sound as firm as possible.

"It's me, Kirstie. Would you let me in? Maybe I can help you?"

I felt relieved. Kirstie knew about my feelings for Scott. She would know what to do. I jumped up and opened the door, letting her in.

"Wow, don't you look gorgeous..." I greeted her and hugged her tight.

She chuckled. "Thank you. I was already dressed for Avi's BBQ when I learned that he had to cancel it."

"I know, I know. Poor guy" I answered going over to my bed, sitting down on the edge. I patted the space beside me, inviting Kirstie to sit there.

She did so and looked at me thoroughly. "What's with all the tears here in the Scomiche household? Did something happen?"

I frowned slightly. "Did Scott cry, too?" I wanted to know. I mean... why should he do that. Maybe after-effects of the break-up. Or was I being to mean to him?

Kirstie nodded. "Yes he did" she confirmed. "And the weird thing is, he's not crying over Sarah. He's crying because... of you?"

My heart jumped at that. "Me? Why is he crying because of me?"

"That is something I really don't understand. He seemed to be utterly confused about whatever happened this morning regarding you. Care to fill me in? Maybe we can find a solution..."

I took a deep breath. "Well... I got pretty drunk last night while Damian didn't. We kissed and I might have thought about Scott while doing so. And when the booze finally kicked in I must've been rambling to Damian about my wish to kiss Scott" I told her.

She smiled at me sympathically. "And today Scott met Damian and told him cryptical things. Well, they make sense right now." She put an arm around my waist and pressed me to her side, when she saw how miserable I was feeling. "Oh Mitchy, what have you gotten yourself into, hmm?"

I leaned onto her. "Damn those feelings" I said and closed my eyes. "And the worst thing is that I snapped at him. It isn't his fault that I've got those twisted, weird feelings for him. Hmm... well maybe it is. I mean, look at him, he's beautiful, charming, he's got a body to die for..." my voice was dreamy. I smiled at the thought of Scott. "Sorry for that."