what are we?

Lines We Swore Not to Cross.

~I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you - Taylor swift ~

We are all sitting in a circle right now, layla and matt obviously sitting next to each other. They're so lovey dovey it's fucking disgusting..

I know that i'm just jealous.
I know that I don't need a man. I'm independent.

i'm everything but independent

I hate feeling like this.

I also hate how awkward it's between me and Nick right now, it's fucking boring.

Normally we would bicker and bully each other right now, but ever since that damn party..

secretly, i kinda want him to love me. to ask me out. i want to be with him. but i'm not going to be the first to talk to him.

While those two love birds next to me talk about rom coms me and Nick sit here silently doing nothing.

I was starting to get really bored so i was about to take out my phone as suddenly someone talked to me

„Uh.. What- What do you think about rom coms?"

I look up and look at Nick, his eyes full with anxiety and his posture seeming nervous.

I thought we were ignoring each other?
Why is he not going after my plan?!

„Yeah, I like them.. You?"
I answer like an Idiot.

„Pretty cringey.. I dunno.." He says while playing with his fingers

„Hey uhm, would you like to take a walk with me? I don't wanna listen to their giggles any longer."

I shouldn't, but I really fucking want to. If he crossed the line, so can I.

„Sure!"

I smile at him. I hope he thinks I'm cute.

I'm not gonna hide my feelings any longer. It's to stressful for me.
Nick stands up and offers me his hand to stand up as well.

I accept it.

Our hands touched.
Wow.
His hands are really soft.
Fuck my hands were probably really crusty..
Shit he surely thinks i'm disgusting and unhygienic now..

„What are you waiting for?"

I snap out of my overthinking and see him smiling at me.

Fuck, he's so cute.

He lets go of my hand and as we wanted to tell layla and matt we were going to walk around a bit, they didn't even listen to us.

Oh god.
I just hope it'll work out good for them.

Me and Nick are now a few meters away from them, as he says „Elena, we need to talk."

I look at him with worried eyes.
I'm not ready to talk.

„I know.."
I say.

„Come, let's walk a bit further to be completely alone and sit."

We do what he says and eventually sit down.

„Look, I know it's awkward between us now, I know we're supposed to hate each other, but I don't. I'm sick of acting like I hate you. Cause i don't. Elena... I think.. fuck. I think I love you"

What.
There is no way he just said that.
I start to tremble a bit with my hands and legs.

The next thing I know his lips are on mine.
Feels really fucking good, just like last time.

I pull away and look in his eyes.

„Nick.. We can't. My brother.."

„Fuck your brother. No, okay I love your brother he's like my brother as well but, I love you too. I wanna be with you. And if Matt doesn't accept that it's his fault. Because I won't give you up just because of him. I've wanted you for the longest time ever."

„No. Nick I don't want this. You really hurt me, you know?"

„Seriously? it's been literally YEARS, Ela."

I don't know if I should tell him about my eating disorder.. I don't want to keep it a secret either..
Fuck it. He's honest so am I.

„Okay, this is awkward to say but back then you really triggered something in me which lead to an eating disorder. That's why I'm still pissed."

„Are you serious? You're beautiful. Shit, I'm so sorry El. I love you. I didn't want to do that to you. Please forgive me"

He admits and hugs me.

_________________________
Um... guys... I'M BACK😼

I just suddenly really wanted to write a chapter.
So I did.

Maybe I will upload chapters regularly, maybe I will disappear again..

We'll see.
BYE BYE