what are we?

I miss you.

~ And I know you said that we're not talkin'
But I miss you, I'm sorry. - Gracie abrams and Taylor swift~

It's the morning after the party and I feel like shit.
The rest of the party after we kissed is just a blur. I was so fucking drunk.
I drank so many fucking drinks after we kissed yesterday in hope I would forget it all, but no.

I didn't forget one little detail of our heated make out session.

God, it was the best one I ever had.
His lips were so soft and delicate, oh what I would do to feel those lips on mine again.
The way he grabbed my ass softly with his veiny hands, and the way they were on my throat and on my waist.

I can feel him. I want him. I need him.

I groan and sit up. I rub my face trying to adjust my eyes to the bright sun and after a couple minutes of just sitting on my bed questioning all my life decisions I get up.

I slide my slippers on and look down on my outfit.
I'm literally still wearing the exact same thing as yesterday and I didn't even take off my makeup.

My head hurts so fucking bad, I'm never drinking again.
That's a lie.

I take some painkillers after I changed my clothes into sweatpants and a matching sweatshirt and also took of my makeup.

Doing all of that while thinking of the one and only, Nicholas rojas.

I really need to get him off my mind.
He's horrible, he's an asshole, he's a jerk, and he prefers popularity over friendship.

That's exactly what he did to our friendship.
I never really told anyone what happened between me and Nick, except for Layla, of course.

I mean, it was so out of the blue.
We were best friends and suddenly, the next day, he tells me i'm a dumb fat whore.

It basically went like this.

Flashbacks

I'm sitting on the grass with my friend Giselle.
She's an amazing friend, but not as amazing as Nick of course!

I honestly kind of like Nick. Like in love like.
I have been since a few years maybe, but I'm too scared to tell him.

Butttt, me and giselle talked about that today, and she said I should tell Nick about my feelings! So I'm gonna do it!

Suddenly I hear footsteps behind me.
Wait, that sounds like Nick!

I turn around excitedly, however I get startled by Nick's glare.

He's looking at me with pure hatred. hatred? why, does he hate me? what did I do?

My smile fades and he scoffs.

„Dumb fat fucking whore you are."
He tells me harshly. He has never talked to me like that before. Why would he say that?

My eyes sting with tears.

„What?" I whisper, still loud enough for him to hear.

He scoffs and rolls his eyes and just walks away with his I assume new friends...?

What did I do wrong? Why would he call me a dumb fat whore?

I told him a few days ago I've been feeling fat and i felt bad about myself, and he told me my body is beautiful.

So why would he say I'm a dumb fat whore now?

Flashback ending.

He never seriously talked to me again after that day. Just said that out of the blue, without and context, and left.

After that he became the most popular boy at school, I dont know how or why. He was always kind of popular, but not THAT popular.

And after he told me that, he always hung out with the popular kids.
Look at him now, the most popular guy at school.

He choose to be popular instead of being friends with me. So he never really appreciated me or our friendship.

I know it's a dumb reason to be 'enemies' with him now, but ever since, we never really clicked again.

It was always a different vibe, knowing we used to be the best of friends, but now have completely new friends and the only thing we ever say to each other is „Fuck you."
„I hate you." „You're so annoying."
There's never anything positive to say.

I thought better of him. Way better.

And I miss him. I miss the way we used to be.

But maybe it was meant to be like this. For us to hate each other.

But I know, deep deep down, I don't hate him,
no matter how hard I try to.

________________________________________
Giselle is gonna play one of the bigger roles later, if you don't remember her from the introduction!!

ALSO THIS CHAPTER IS SOOO SO SOO SHORT GUYS I'M SO SORRY😭
I promise that I'll update again this week, just remind me please 😭😭

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-C🎀