what are we?

falling over and over

~You've got a smile that can light up this whole town. - Taylor swift~

What.the.fuck.

What the fucking fuck is going on?
Why won't elena talk to me?
Why won't she give me any comebacks to my insults?
Why won't she even look at me?
Why??

I scream as loud as i have never ever screamed before into my pillow trying to calm myself down.
I don't even know what i'm doing at this point.
I throw random stuff that are- well- were, on my desk on the floor as hard as i can.

I feel tears well up in my eyes but no, no i'm not doing this.
I'm not crying over a girl.

I start to punch my pillow until mateo comes barged in.

„What the hell are you doing? What's going on?" He looks at me with a confused but concerned face.

I don't even know. I don't answer and just groan jumping on my bed.
Why am i getting so worked up over this?
It's just elena. I should be happy that she won't talk to me.

So why do i feel like this? Why am i wishing that elena would be the one in my room right now and not mateo.

"Hey hey calm down man, what's going on?" Mateo sits next to me his brown eyes full with worry.

I sigh "Elena won't talk to me."
He lets out a laugh "And that makes you go mad like this? Bruh come on don't lie to me."

"I'm not! Seriously, i don't even know man." I admit.

Mateo's grin fades away "You're not crushing on my little sister, are you?"

"What?! What- no!" I immediately shout back.

But deep down i know that, that's not true.
Could it be, that i'm falling for Elena Torres again?

"Good. Cause if you were, i'd push you down the stairs." Mateo laughs.
I nervously chuckle "Yeah.. yeah totally.."

Imma be ready to get pushed down the stairs.

„What did i do though? I don't understand. I mean, It's not like- It's not like i care. I'm just curious and- and i don't want it to be awkward between us, you know? I don't give a shit about her, i could care less about her not speaking to me. She's so annoying i mean i'm happy she won't talk to me! Exactly! I'm happy about it!" I ramble, but deep inside of me, i know that all of that is a lie.

You care about her, and  you do give a shit about her. You're not happy. You're very unhappy about the fact she won't talk to you. But you'll never admit that to yourself now, would you?

I hate her for a reason.
She shit talked about me when i thought she was my best and only real friend.
I know that was years ago, but i won't forgive her.
Not after the way she acted like she was the victim. I hate her. I hate her so much.
I was a kid and yet, just this god damn little girl made me rethink my whole life.
One day, one day she will finally realize what a brat she actually is.

But after all, you still developed feelings for her. Those feelings you swore were a one time thing, but came back every time.
That funny feeling you get when you're around her and she laughs.
And the anger you sense whenever she talks with another guy, especially when she blushes or laughs over him.

Shut up! Stupid brain! Shut the fuck up!

None of that is true. I don't like her. It was a one, okay, maybe two or three timed thing.
But i don't like her.
She's not even that pretty

She is.

Okay yes she is, and she's totally my type but that's it.
Just because she's unbelievably stunning doesn't mean that i can't hate her.
I still hate her.
And that's it-

Me and Mateo decide to go out, eat something maybe.

„Hey i'll ask Elena if she wants to join us-"

„No!" I cut him off with a yell.

His eyebrows furrow, „Okay, i know you hate her, but you never had that much of s problem with her." He stops in his tracks and looks into my eyes „Maybe it will fix your problem with her. She will talk to you again and it won't be awkward. That's exactly what you want, right?" I nod.

„Amazing. So come on, i'll text her if she wants to come with, and you be a man about it!"

I nod as if i was in the army and he was my boss while he chuckles and shakes his head.

Mateo texted elena and at first she said no, but mateo convinced her to come with us.

So now, we're waiting outside Mateo's and Elena's house for elena to come out.

„Hey!" Mateo greets her energetically and i just mutter a 'hi.'

Elena smiled, well, at mateo. Definitely not at me.
She didn't even dare to share a glance at me.
And honestly, that made my mood sink.
A LITTLE. JUST A LITTLE!

Mateo nudged my shoulder and gave me a death glare, his eyes were speaking 'talk with her!'

I sigh and get into the drivers seat, Elena was about to get into the backseat until Mateo spoke up.

„El, sit in the front. I'm a little dizzy, i'll sit in the back."

She sighed and got into the front seat, next to me.

„Where do you guys wanna go eat?"
I ask them. Mostly ela.

„What about riris? Elena, you love that one too."

Elena's eyes light up „Oh my god, yeah! I totally forgot about that restaurant. It used to be my favourite. Remember how we used to go there like at least once a week and stole our parent's money?" She lets out a small laugh and i laugh with her, even though she was probably only talking to matt.

„Yeah! It was all Nick's idea!" Her brother agrees.

„And then you two put the blame on me when we got caught. Ugh, i'll never forgive you two for that. I mean, you two still agreed! It wasn't just my fault!" I complained.

Elena and mateo start to crack up and i feel my smile reach my eyes.

God, her beautiful laugh.
I would do anything to hear her laugh.

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