True Magician

Chapter 80

Rondel.

Time passed, and I still hadn't moved from my seat, trying to figure out what to do. The light of the sun had already been replaced by magic lanterns, and the night sky was clearly visible through the windows and door. The waitresses had managed to clear tables several times each, and some customers were being replaced by others.

Anma was still sitting at the same table as me, looking at me and waiting for something. As I guess he wants to know what I will decide to do after realizing the current situation. I don't blame him though, as it's completely understandable.

As I looked inside myself, I discovered something when the spirit asked for my attention. The divinity in me was like a small puddle into which flowed tiny streams, corresponding in number to the number of believers, as I realized.

In idea, being a god could include the most familiar things: power, respect, and the like. You mentally and practically separate yourself from the masses, feeling yourself to be a more... superior being unlike the others. You are better than them, stronger than them, freer than them.

However, that last point is fundamentally flawed. God is constrained by the chains placed upon his very existence. Whether he wants to or not, he loses his freedom to do as he pleases.

As an example, the god of death cannot stop watching over souls, the god of justice cannot abandon justice, and the god of light cannot turn away from light. All not because someone wanted it that way, but because their domain is their essence.

The deprivation of choice.

And that's the part that pushes me away. I don't want to lose what I value most.

Of course, it's safe to say that no one is truly free. Everyone has their own set of constraints that hold them back. It could be a need for something, worries and anxieties, anything that makes you think long and focused. They can also be voluntary, by choice, so to speak, which is not bad or even good.

And usually no one notices the limitations of their freedom... unless something from the outside tries to reduce the boundaries of the latter. As in the case of me, let's say.

Divinity will bind me to this world, to the people who believe in me, because I simply cannot cast them off. My conscience will not allow it. A human conscience. And since that is so...

I nodded briefly to myself.

I don't need it. Not at all. I have those I want to return to, and who are waiting for me. Power, money, and status have no value to me, as I already have all of that. Tools for freedom, so to speak.

The only way out in this situation is to erase the memory of all those who believe in me. That way the divinity would stop accumulating and slowly dissipate. It would be possible to erase it from inside with 3rd magic, to close my soul from such influence, but I am afraid to provoke something wrong again. The need for me will stop, which means I can walk free.

And the Age of Fairies? It doesn't make sense. At least not at this point in this world. Mana concentration, non-human races, and the influence of magic is too high. The world simply can't survive such an abrupt transition. It must mature on its own.

Suddenly I felt someone punching into my closed field, and I didn't realize where or who.

The only closed field in this world is ....

I quickly pulled out of my pocket Tia, surrounded by a barrier, who was ramming her fists and made a very pouty and hurt face when she saw me. It looked like just a little more and she was going to cry.

- "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Tia. I forgot all about you," I said in an apologetic tone, to which she crossed her arms over her chest, stopped hitting the field, and turned away, "I'm really sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?"