Illicit Affairs

Chapter 26

"So now what? What's next for you?" Ryan asked me, and I pondered that thought over the bite of the five cheese homemade Mac and cheese poised midair. A dish that Ryan had so thoughtfully and lovingly prepared for me after remembering me telling him once that Mac and cheese was my favorite comfort food. He thought I could use the comfort and he was right. After leaving the office, I went home and packed an overnight bag and drove straight to Ryan's house. The high I had felt leaving the office had quickly faded and now I just felt tired, beat down and in my own head about everything. I really needed that comfort.

I set my fork down with the bite of cheesy goodness still clinging to the tines. "Not a clue. I haven't even thought that far ahead." I admitted with a slight shake of my head. "Unfortunately, I have to go back there tomorrow because I was so determined to make a dramatic exit with a mic drop moment, that I left his office and walked straight out the door. I have things in my office, mainly some family photos with my mom and dad that I need to pack up."

"Maybe you should call Chase and let him know what's going on. I mean, he's gonna find out sooner or later that you left. He could probably pack up your office for you." Ryan suggested.

"I ugh...stupid me...threw the journal at grandpa and left it there. He's probably destroyed it by now but on the slight chance he didn't, I would really like that back. It's something of my mothers, it's her words and it's something I want to keep."

I could see him shake his head slightly at my error, but he kept his mouth shut on the subject. He probably thought that was for the best. "Would you like me to call Chase or Erin so you can let them know what's going on? I think it would be helpful for you to have some friends to lean on."He offered.

Something about the way he said that didn't sit right with me. "Why? Are you tired of carrying my burden by yourself so let's just push it on them?" I snapped at him. Was I deliberately trying to pick a fight?

"Mia, that's not what I meant. I told you that I am here for you and I meant that. Chase and Erin are your closest friends and it's always good to have your village to help you through tough times." He consoled me in his practical, patient way that I felt I didn't deserve.

I shook my head. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. I'm just in my own head over this and I'm overthinking everything. I get what you're saying, but not just yet. I'm not ready to talk about it with anyone." I replied. I pushed my food away. I had lost my appetite.

"What about Jimmie? When are you going to tell him?" Ryan asked me.

Oh crap. I haven't even thought about telling Jimmie. How the hell was I supposed to do this?

"I don't know if I can Ryan. He has this beautiful life and this beautiful family. Am I just supposed to call him up and say 'Happy early Father's Day twenty seven years late, or congratulations. You're the father of a bouncing grown ass girl'. I don't want to screw up his life." I said sadly.

"You're not seriously thinking of keeping this from him Mia?" Ryan shot me an angry glare that made me want to crawl under a rock.

"I don't know yet what I want to do. Part of me wants to tell him right now and the other part of me wants to just let it go and erase it from my life. What if he hates me for derailing the life he built. I couldn't take that." I shot back.

"That's just your grandfather talking. He's gotten in your head Mia. Keeping this from Jimmie is no better than your grandfather keeping it from you, and deep down you know it. You know all to well how that feels. It would be selfish of you. He has the right to know." Ryan's words were adamant, leaving no room for argument. Was he trying to pick a fight too for whatever reason?