That Girl: Book ONE [COMPLETED]

Chapter Forty Eight

The sun didn't stand a chance with getting me out of bed. After that conversation with Sandra I found myself in the safest place I could, Jay's arms. Her words kept repeating themselves in my mind which caused me to shove myself under him more. A few minutes before I finally dropped asleep, Jay pulled me into him as close as possible. The last thing I remembered seeing while I fell asleep was 4:45am.

My eyes shot open as I arose gasping for air. I held my chest tightly as I tried to focus on my breathing.

"Bey, you okay?" Jay asked as I felt his hands around my back. "Beyonce, breathe, in and out, slowy." He said sitting up besides me.

I shook my head at him as I tried to regulate my breathing. I touched my stomach then my face making sure everything was in tact. It was happening, and of all nights; it was happening on Jay's return. I looked at him and then the clock that read 6:33. I took one more deep breath before hopping out the bed and running to the bathroom. I looked at my face to make sure it had no bruises and that my jaw wasn't numb. I stared at my stomach before moving my hands down my underwear. I wiped between my legs softly with my index finger as my hands trembled. I brought it up and stared at the clear finger. It was clean, no sperm.

"Beyonce whats going on?" Jay said knocking on the door.

"I'll be fine, its gonna be okay." I said as I slide down near the bathroom sink trying to calm myself. Its been the third time since I dreamt about Xavier and each night it was about the same thing, being raped. Tonight it was worst, I could feel his hands lashing across my face as he held my neck smothering me.

I creeped to my feet slowly as I looked at my face, my eyes were attempting to cry but I reframed it. I ran cold water across my cheeks and eyes a few times before drying my face. I didn't want Jay's suspicions to expand so I decided to fake a smile after coming up with a fake story.

I check my face one more time before exiting the bathroom. I opened and closed the door lightly before plastering a fake smile on my face and turning to face him.

"I'm okay." I said.

"Is that gonna be your line all this time everytime I ask you if you're okay?" He said disappointed.

"Jay its nothing that serious, its just.....its nothing okay." I said walking towards the bed.

''If its nothing then why don't you wanna talk about it." He said moving towards the dresser. "You gonna start off with lying to me this early?" He asked causing my head to shoot up.

He took a step towards the bed moving directly in front of the dresser. I could tell, in less than 12 hours, I was starting to make him question me and my honesty.

"I thought I've been through this with you, the best way possible." He said unfolding his arms. "If being honest, committed, mature, loving and loyal isn't what you want then why are we here? What are we doing?" He asked sternly.

"Jay its-" I tried to speak.

"No, I said if you can't be all of those to me when I'm willing to be that to you then why are you here? What are we doing?" He repeated cutting me off. "I am not about to drag myself and my daughter into something thats gonna blow up and drag us both down a rough path. I already had to explain to her where her mother went, I don't need to explain to her why someone we both love left too." He said. "Its okay if you don't wanna talk about it, I get that; but don't tell me you are fine when you are not." He said.

Silence fell between as I soaked up what he said. I didn't have to tell him the truth but I still shouldn't be lying to him. He was too much of a good man to deal with my shit.

"Fine." I said breaking the silence. "Its nothing serious, but its something you should know." I said lowering my head. "I'm just not ready to tell you yet and I don't want you to hear it from anyone else but me." I said as I stood up moving in front of him.