Home [Shawn Hunter]

a kiss is not just a kiss

"Cassidy! Get down here!" I hear my father's voice echo through me, "Yes, Daddy?" I ask, rushing downstairs. "Someone is at the door for you, one of the Matthews boys." My dad says, stepping out of the way "If you say something stupid I swear to God I'll kill you Cassidy Lynn." My dad grips my elbow tightly, muttering in my ear. I nod and answer the door cautiously, "Oh, hi Eric." I'm surprised to see him, we barely ever talk. "Hi, Cass. Can I talk to you for a sec?" He looks like he's seen a ghost. "Sure." I say and step out, shutting the door behind me. "What's going on?" I ask and he huffs, "I went over to Chubbies and I saw Shawn hug and kiss Topanga." He blurts out and my world stops spinning, "Like were they on a date?" I grow hot and anxious, "She was sitting up on the pool table and he was between her legs somewhat." He answers and he looks like he feels terrible; I do too. Topanga is supposed to be one of my best friends, Shawn is supposed to be loyal, My fingers quickly find the promise ring on my pinky he gave to me a couple weeks ago; was everything he said a lie? "Does Cor know?" I ask, "I'm on my way home now, decided it'd be easier to break the news to you first instead of my brother." He confesses and I nod, "Thanks Eric." I say weakly, walking back inside. "What was that for?" My dad asks and I completely ignore him as I walk up to my room, emotionless and broken. "Cassidy Lynn, I'm speaking to you!" He shouts and I'm completely unfazed. My world just fell apart in a matter of seconds.

++

The next morning, I don't get up for school. I've been stuck in the same position since last night, since I shut my door and fell into my bed and sobbed. I sobbed so hard my dad wasn't even mad at me that I ignored him. "Cassie, school." My dad shouts before opening my door. "Get up." He yolks me out of my bed, takes one good look at my swollen face and bloodshot eyes, "W'Happened to you?" "Nothing daddy." I say before falling back into my bed and began to weep. "You need to get your shit together." He scoffs before leaving my room, slamming my door behind him–he feels bad but he can't express it, he doesn't know how to.

I spend the rest of the day in my bed, staring at the wall or the ceiling–whichever way I roll that hour.

"Cass, why wer- babe what happened?" Shawn beings as he climbs through my window. "Get out!" I demand, "Was this your dad?" He asks, growing angry, "No it was you! Get out!" I scream at him, shoving him towards my window. "Me? What did I do?" "Chubbies last night, you tell me!" I shout and he sighs, "How'd you find out?" "Doesn't matter! Why would you kiss her Shawn?" "It was an innocent kiss! She was upset and I happened to be at Chubbies, same time as her. Her and her parents got into a fight." "Why couldn't she go to Cory?" I'm on the verge of tears again, he's silent. "Cass, she's moving to Pittsburg." "Again, why couldn't she go to Cory? Why does that require a kiss from my boyfriend! Ex. ex-boyfriend." I say, taking the promise ring off my pinky and handing it back to Shawn. "We're done, get out of my room." I say, laying back down in my bed and covering my body head to toe with my comforter. "Cassie." Shawn huffs, "Cassie, please." He pleads, sitting at the edge of my bed. "Get out!" I scream. "No Cass!" He screams back at me, "I love you. Topanga loves Cory, it was nothing!" He yells at me before he stands up, beginning to pace. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you like that." He says, running his fingers through his hair. "Shawny, get out, please." I begin to cry softly. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I kissed her on the cheek Cass. It was innocent." He explains and I nod, slightly scared of the person in front of me–this isn't Shawn, Shawn never yells at me. "Please just go Shawn." I ask once more, he nods, placing my ring on my desk, "Don't give that back to me, ever." He says, tears swelling his eyes as he climbs out my window.

What just happened?

++

"Itty?" Topanga walks into my room later that day–my dad must've let her in. "Please go away, Topanga." "I just wanted to explain what happened with Shawn." She continues, "I stormed out of my house and went to Chubbies, it's our spot you know? I couldn't face Cory, I don't want to leave him, I love him, Itty. Shawn kissed my cheek, I knew it was wrong, so didn't he–we both wanted to forget that happened but it did and I'm sorry but he loves you as much as I love Cory." She continues. "If he loved me it wouldn't have happened." I reason. It's silent. "It didn't mean anything, to either of us." She says once more. I stop speaking, there's nothing more I have to say or need to. Maybe I'm being dramatic, but it did hurt me, I am hurt. 

"Cassie?" I hear my dad's voice, "Yes daddy?" I respond, "Why didn't you tell me I was losing out on one of my most loyal customers?" He begins arguing. "I'm sorry, daddy." I sob, not because I'm scared but because I'm hurt. "I-It's okay." He surrenders and leaves my room.

A little while after, I hear light taps on my window, I look over to see Shawn. I roll my eyes and walk over to my window, opening it. "What?" I ask. He gently moves a strand of my hair behind my ear, "I just wanted to check up on you." He says, gazing over my appearance. "I'm fine." I say, pushing off my window sill, plopping back down on my bed. "I brought you ibuprofen and skittles." He says, climbing through my window. I ignore him. "Cassie." He sighs, sitting on my bed. "Shawny, why did you kiss her?" "I don't know, it was a friendly cheek kiss that I felt terrible about. It felt wrong because it wasn't you. I love you so so so much." He says. "I love you too, that's why it hurts so much." "I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I even did it." Shawn apologizes and I sit up, sitting next to him. "Just please never do it again?" I plead and he nods, "Never. I don't want to, I only want you." He says and I hug him.

I hope he's being honest, I can't deal with this again.