Sanity

Chapter Eighteen

As Harry was leaving he locked the door. He had been gone for some time now and I was growing anxious as to his whereabouts. I was still in shock,he gave off a cold, dark vibe but I never expected him to be using drugs. The worst case scenario would be that he isn't returning at all tonight. I was laying flat on my back looking up at the ceiling, looking for any item that would do damage to me. It looked as if the room wasn't lived in. It showed no signs of human life, except for the bed that I had messed up. My back was growing stiff due to my bad sleeping arrangements. I was constantly tired as any sense of positivity was drained from me, not one ounce was left. I was tired of living, tired of trying to be happy and to sum it all up tired of life .

I knew I was in a bad frame of mind as I looked around for something to harm myself with. I walked around and tried different places but most drawers and presses were empty. The closet was locked, as I forcefully tried to break an entry. I was growing agitated and every place that was unsuccessful, I would let out a loud groan in frustration. I couldn't handle the unhappiness I brought to others and myself, I was one of those people that sucked positivity out of you, I feed off of sadness, I crave for other people to be as sad as me, but at the same time I wish them happiness, it's just I don't want to be facing it all alone.

I was though.

I slid down the door and let the tears fall freely down my face. I noticed a box under the bed through my blurry eyes. I presumed it was Harry's and couldn't help the curiosity eating me up. I looked at the door and at the box and repeated this several times, my vision was blurred due to my teary eyes.

I slowly crawled over to the side of the bed and reached for the box. I didn't have the chance to touch it as my sobs grew louder. Questions flew around my head, I wondered what I was doing, most importantly why was I doing this? Harry was a work of art and I wasn't anything, not even a bin in an art exhibit. Harry was a cruel soul and me, well I was a broken soul. Harry excepted his and I excepted mine.

I heard a jingle of keys and the tears flew more rapidly again. As the door swung open, Harry's lean body was now viewable. I continued my search and began rising from my crawling position.  I started looking around frantically and my body began to shake due to my erratic sobbing.

Harry just gazed at me for awhile, eventually realising I wasn't going to calm down anytime soon. His eyes followed me every step I took. I walked over to the closet door and start hitting it with my arms and kicking it with my feet. My mind wasn't comprehending what I was doing. He walked towards me at a fast pace as I slid down the door.

He didn't say anything, just stared. He was judging me, I could tell, I'd seen this look so many times before, he was labelling me as psychotic.

"Are you alright princess?" He questioned my state in a gradual whisper, almost like he was trying his best to make it seem like he hadn't utter those words.

I let out a loud sob as I muttered "Perfectly fine"

He crouched down in front of me as he comprehended my words.

"But you're not ? Are you princess? You're fucking crazy."

I knew I was, I had been told so many times I was, yet it almost hurt when he said it. My vision became blurred as fresh tears fell down my face.

Harry got up from his crouched position and walked out the door. I started screaming and my sobs echoed around me, as I was left in my own despair. I started to crawl towards the box under the bed, once I reached it I pulled it out. Inside was china, white pristine china. I took out some plates and placed them on the bed,  I examined each one as I placed it on top of the bed. I grew angered at how one piece of china could be so much more perfect than me. I picked the plate up and threw it at the closet door. I continued to do this with two more plates and as I reached for the fourth plate I realised the sharp fragments of the once perfect plate, were spewed across the floor. I walked towards them and picked them up, finally something to hurt myself with. I picked up a long sharp piece and examined it, it could easily pierce through my skin. Just as I was about to run it along my finger, I heard footsteps behind me. I looked behind me and saw Harry placing a glass of water onto the bedside table along with some large cookies. He looked at me and then at the plate fragments on the floor. Once he noticed the piece in my hand he walked towards me.

"Princess, I leave you for two minutes and I come back to my Nanas favourite China in pieces."

I didn't think sorry would cover it so I didn't bother to say it. What good are words if you don't mean them.

"Now, I would really appreciate if you kindly give me the piece that's in your hand."

"Now!" He raised his voice slightly and I jumped. The tears began to run down my cheeks again, as I handed over the sharp fragment of the plate.

He threw the piece on the floor with the rest of them, and walked towards the bedside table and grabbed the plate of cookies and the glass of water.

"Come on princess I don't have all night."

I started walking towards him as he waited for me. He lead us to a dark cluttered room. The walls were lined with a collection of books and the floor was littered with clothes. It was dark grey in colour and it was dimly lit by a bedside lamp.

"The bathroom is through the door, so if you must, please do go. I expect you to eat the cookie and drink the water. We will discuss punishment and rules tomorrow."

I went to the bathroom and done what I needed to and when I came out Harry was in bed reading. He looked almost harmless.

"Your cookies are on the table over there. Bring them over here."

I grabbed the plate and brought them over he patted the bed beside him, beckoning me to get in.

"Now."

I quickly sat down on the bed and pulled the covers over me. He reached for a cookie on the plate and handed it to me. I didn't feel like eating it, I felt the satisfaction of hunger pains in my stomach. But as soon as he looked at me, I knew he'd start shouting if I didn't, so I slowly started eating it. I felt sick so I only ate half and placed the other half on the plate, they were large though so I knew it had to be a large calorie intake. I reached for the glass of water and drank it all in one swift gulp. Harry was concentrated on reading his book, as I snuggled down to go asleep. My eyes were swelled and I was tired, tired of everything. Harry placed the book on the bedside table and I gazed at him as he took off his top in one swift motion. His torso was littered with tattoos, I could only barely make them out and then they were gone as he turned off the small light. I felt him snuggle down under the duvet. I lay on my side and he lay on his back.

"Princess, go to sleep, it's late."

"But what did you mean by punishment?" I questioned. My breathing unsteady as I thought of all the possible scenarios that could occur.

"I meant what I said."

He didn't say much about it only that I would be getting one. I wanted to try explain how I felt and express my views but as always I kept quiet. Anxiety getting the better of me.

"Goodnight princess." He muttered.

I quickly snuggled closer to him as I grew anxious for what tomorrow would bring, in one swift motion my head was laying on his chest. He soon realised and went to pry me off of him, but for some reason I didn't feel alone.

"Please. I'm scared." It was barely audible. I didn't realise at the time the one thing I should be most scared of was him.

"Scared of what exactly?"

"Everything."

He simply sighed and placed an arm around me. I wanted to kiss his cheek to thank him, but I remembered what happened the last time I tried that.

Authors note

I thank y'all so much for getting me to 1.5k. It has literally made my day💜 I know it's been awhile but I have decided that I will update every Saturday as it'll mean I will actually update once a week as I needed a plan.

xo Also drag me down is AMAZINGGGG DSHSHSHSBEHEBVDH