Sanity

Chapter Seven

*
He consumed my mind, why? Because I simply aspired to be like him, carefree. People looked at him as if he was everything. Everyone felt so little when they were around him, I could sense it, even I did, but for once I didn't want my mother to be right. For once in my life I wanted to know what it felt like to be superior. I've never felt like I was above someone, I grew up thinking it was wrong, and I know it is, but for once I want to hold significant importance, that someone simply looks at me and assumes I'm above them. I do it to everyone, as everyone I have ever met made me feel inferior, like I was worth nothing. Men used to eye me like a piece of meat, my mother claimed it was because they were in shock for a girl to have so much meat in her bones. I believed her, because everything she said was right. It only encouraged me to try get slimmer but in my early teens I loved sweets and chocolate, I used to get given money to bring to the churches donation box, every Saturday, and every Saturday I would buy a large bar of chocolate and a large bag of sweets. I would then give the change to the church. It seemed okay at the time but when my mother found out I was starved for two solid days. It would've progressed longer if my brother hadn't came home to visit. I was never one for exercise, but she gave me a gym membership for my fourteenth birthday. My brother questioned it, claimed I was too gaunt looking and took the membership off of me in exchange for a voucher for the make up store.

I knocked on my door twice, so that Mary would come and let me out to the toilet. I needed a distraction from my hectic life. Every time I think of food I think of her, she turns my stomach, she created this and thinks that this will help her clear her name with the local neighbours. She made me out to be crazy. Mary unlocked the door and simply smiled, I tried so hard to smile back but I simply couldn't, I just nodded my head and pointed in the direction of the bathroom. She nodded her head back and muttered a "go ahead."

I walked into the bathroom and seen the window slightly ajar. I quickly locked the door behind me. Butterflies began to form in my stomach. But they died down once I realised it was all too easy. I pushed the window even further ajar  and I heard a low groan.

" Awww fuck, what the fuck was that."

"What!" I whisper -shouted!

A body quickly hauled themselves the ought the gap.
They were quick to jump down off the high ledge and grip onto my arm, quickly placing their hand over my eyes.

"So we meet again princess."

My heart stilled. It was him. He called me princess, it had to be. I was still, afraid of what he might do.

He removed his hand and I looked up at him. His eyes were captivating, as soon as our eyes met, I quickly looked down. Superior. Inferior.

"Boo." He whispered in my ear. His breath fanned the left side of my face, while my breath caught in my throat. I had never been this close to a boy, who was not related to me in some sort of way. He wasn't a boy though, he was a fully grown man. His hand gripped my behind, that's were I had to stop him, I couldn't remain quiet, I wasn't like that, I couldn't be like that, I wasn't appealing at all.

"Don't." I muttered under my breath.

"What are you gonna do about it if I don't ?"

With that being said he pulled his face away from mine, I felt the contact being lost. He delivered a quick slap to my behind and I flinched.

"What no petty insults for me today princess?"

I simply shock my head. No. I didn't, he was arrogant but I felt like a deer being caught by headlights under his penetrating gaze.

He looked like a man, his personality resembled one of a young boy, interacting with someone he strongly dislikes. He looked at me like I was nothing and that he was everything, he was superior and I was inferior. As always I am the lower person, he is everything and I am simply nothing l, no one wants nothing, everyone wants everything.

"Oh that's a shame, I was quite looking forward to hearing the string of curse words roll off of your tongue. Maybe even getting another slap,"

"Look at me."

I refused, he was so intimidating. He knew it. I knew it, he'll the whole world basically knew it. His voice was dead serious. You can never trust men. The words of my mother kept ringing through my head. He was so god damn good looking. At times his attitude didn't meet his looks, but he knew who he wanted to be and that was something. His brown worn down boots, his black jeans and an oddly printed shirt, he didn't care. He didn't care.

"Now!" His voice roared, I jumped slightly. It wasn't noticeable, or so I thought, he didn't seem to bring it up. I was still looking at the floor.

He looked slightly dazzled that I wasn't giving in to his demands. I couldn't. Eye contact was something I couldn't handle. I was this timid thing and he was so harsh and demanding.

"I won't repeat myself."

He roughly grabbed my chin and forced my face up. I kept my eyes focused on the ground and I watched his legs writher in agitation. I knew I was pushing it but I couldn't give into him. Eye contact made me uncomfortable.

"Please do correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe,  you look with your eyes."

I didn't give him a second glance and his gaze hardened, I could feel him shooting daggers through my skin. I was trying so hard not to shake, trying to keep my tears at bay. I could feel the panic rise up as he grabbed my arm and began leading me out of the bathroom, the grip only tightening as I wriggled a small bit.