Sanity

Chapter Twenty

I was leaning towards the edge and with each small push I gave my body I was nearly there. One of my legs dangled over the side, with one small push I could end up in my safe haven. I grew anxious for some reason, I couldn't comprehend why I didn't do it. I cautiously drew back and sat down in the ledge, my feet dangling above the city, nobody even acknowledging  the girl perched on top of the large apartment building. I gazed at the people rushing to and from work, while the street lights guided there way, they had something to guide them in the right direction, all this time that was what I was missing. Harry had stayed quiet through this whole ordeal, too afraid to touch the girl with the broken dreams. I felt a presence sit beside me, it was him, who else would it be. He didn't say much, we simply gazed down at the lives of others, both equally intrigued by the people below us. I hated that they could be so carefree, well at least appear so care free. I didn't understand I had a front for so long, but eventually it wore me down, I couldn't pretend to be happy anymore so I simply didn't. Harry was everything I aspired to be, he was what some would call perfect, not only in looks but also personality wise, he was blunt and straight to the point, he didn't care if it hurt you, matter if fact he didn't care full stop.

"What exactly is wrong with you that you think throwing yourself off of a fucking complex, down onto a busy street, is going to help solve all your problems. Why didn't you jump huh??"

I glanced over at him to see annoyance clear in his face, it didn't help that even he knew it would've been best for me to jump, I didn't even have an explanation as to why I didn't do it, I simply just didn't.

"What cat got your tongue? Well let me tell you why you didn't do it, shall I?"

I didn't respond I was still in shock, no one had ever used this tone with me, well sometimes my mother did, and I was trying so hard not to cry. Without waiting for a reply he continued.

"You're a fucking drama queen, I swear. What even possesses you to jump off a 300 ft building. That is considered psychotic, you know on so many levels this is completely and utterly appalling, that a stupid naive girl wants to end her life due t--"

He didn't get to finish I simply slapped him hard across the face, so hard you could hear the sound of  it. He didn't understand, he didn't even try. People were usually soft when dealing with me, but he wasn't and I didn't realise at the time that that's what I needed. He swung his legs back over and I grew nervous, unlike the last time I had no where to run and if I screamed no one would hear me. He grabbed my wrist tightly and dragged me with him. He gave me a hard push and I felt my back come in harsh contact with a wall. The wind was knocked out of me due to the harshness of the push. I fell to my knees as I tried to regain my breath. Harry was rough and there was no denying it. I grew anxious wondering what was going to happen next, no one had ever been this harsh towards me, I was usually treated like a delicate flower, people were afraid to touch me incase my petals fell off. This was all so new to me. Harry grabbed my wrists roughly between his palms and hurled me up off of the floor. He proceeded to shove me into the wall again, only this time he pressed his body against mine, so I couldn't fall. I was breathing heavily, trying to regain a steady breathing pattern, before I went into another frenzy. Mental illnesses are not glamorous, you spend your days wondering when will you get to the stage were you can finally be happy with yourself, when will you feel self worth, when can you finally face the world head on without doubts niggling in the back of your head, when can you finally eat what you want without having to worry about the aftermath. Barely anyone realises that's this what life holds in the beholder of a mental illness. Harry simply pressed me so hard up against the wall I could feel the brick structure indent in my back. My chest was sore from all the pressure he was putting on my front. His rough Palm was holding my hip in place and his other hand was located at my elbow joint, holding my body upright. I didn't understand why he was doing this, I didn't even know why I was still here, I had my life all planned out, I die, the end. When I was little my main goal was to marry a prince, I was so sure that someone else could bring me happiness, because I simply wasn't enough to keep myself happy and fulfilled, but love isn't for me. I realised that if you had to depend on someone you would end up sucking all of their happiness out of them and that was something you would have to live without, there is only enough happiness in one person, you must rely on yourself in order to provide yourself with it, it just so happens that my happiness was all worn out. We all have different ways to recover it. I gazed at Harry as the moonlight reflected against his skin, he really was a beautiful looking person, the more I examined his face the quicker my heart began to race, not one flaw did this man have, in terms of his looks. Harry kept his face turned, his jaw clenched, his expression radiated anger, his heavy breathing audible in the fresh nighttime air. He quickly turned his head and caught me staring, my entire face heated up as I knew I had been caught, admiring, what some would consider, a masterpiece. I quickly disconnected any previous eye contact, as I adverted my gaze to the mossy floor. Harry gripped my arm even tighter as he dragged me with him, over towards the opening in the roof.

"Go down now."

He didn't have to repeat himself, I quickly started climbing down the ladder. Leading me back into the building. Harry quickly scrambled down the ladder after me.

"You've no idea what your in for, you've been a very bad girl."

I gulped. Well shit.

I'm sorry I'm so shit at updating😭 I seen the fanfiction awards and I hope to be fanfiction award worthy next year 😭 Also I am in no way trying to promote mental issues or put down anyone with them, I went back and edited the whole book but I am unfortunately still not happy with it 😩Harry doesn't understand why or how she is like this like most people. This book is also not about kidnapping or Stockholm syndrome and it might not seem like it has a plot but it does trust mehhh