Sanity

Chapter Two

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It was like I was falling and nobody was bothering to reach out and save me. I felt my hands come in contact with the floor along with my legs and then my face. I just heard laughing and chuckling but it wasn't coming from everyone mainly just a few, but I heard a deep chuckle that sounded close to a fog horn. But as I realised I was still on the ground, I quickly gathered myself together and hopped up as quick as I could but nearly fell once again , my head was spinning, I was seeing stars. I quickly grabbed hold of an arm, a muscular arm might I add. Well thats bound to leave bruses all over my body. Someone let out a cough and I looked up and saw a mop of curly hair pushed up in a slant, he had emerald eyes and tatoos scattered across his body, well the parts of his arms that I could see and a lip piercing and his ear pierced he wasn't the worst sight I will admit. Maybe he was here for a reason similar to mine.

He spoke just the way I expected deep and sexy! That was until I realised what he said!

"You done staring? Or do I need to get someone to like get you off me!"

His stupid remark caused a stir with the audience we had attracted and it caused them to laugh open heartly like it wasn't a big deal or as if it didn't hurt anyone but slowly and surely I was fading away. I yanked my hand off his shoulder and gave him the middle finger,this shocked him I could tell by the expression his face was holding but he quickly recollected himself. He took his lipring between his teeth, which I persumed was force of habbit . I realised I was staring again so I quickly walked away and slipped into the bathroom. I gently pulled up my sleeve of the knit Jumper, the scars were no longer present on my wrist, that seemed like such a long time ago. I didn't need anyone to tell me it was wrong, I knew it was, but it became an addiction one I couldn't stop. I grew panicked, my heart started to beat frantically, I didn't know what to do I haven't had an anxiety attack in almost a year, the tears started to build up in my eyes but I refused to let them show. I searched franticly for anything sharp, anything that would help me feel an ounce of pain or anything that would be able to inflict harm on my skin. But it really was hopeless as anything like that would be safely locked away in a drawer or gone and never to be seen again.It was suppose to be for our own good cause due to "when harmful objects fall into the hands of broken people they tend to use them to try take away the numbness they feel" they were words used by this place to try reassure us that we were, in fact, crazy. I miss my brother, I really do, the sense of emptiness is slowly killing me, I haven't had interaction with a single soul, since I've got here, well up until a couple of minutes ago ! I always thought my brother loved me yet he said he is trying to help me out, but he will tell the women at the desk not to let me call unless I am fixed. He could save lives by simplily just giving a random person a smile or a wave, when I was little and he would take me out, he always smiled and waved at everyone,he wasn't one to judge or pass comment,  but yet he was honest, something this world was lacking. He always said everyone had a reason to live so embrace it. I actually listened to him when I was little,I looked up to him, I used to write about him being my idol and role model when I was little, I believed he was everything, he was my world but I was just a naive little girl with big dreams , as I got older my dreams faded away and turned into nightmares but the only difference was I didn't have to close my eyes to experience the nightmares as I was living them each day! Not everyone can say that they went through depression, some just say a rough patch or a bad time in their life but I, I am sick of wondering when my rough patch will end, I have grown to live with the monsters, hell I have even become one, or crazy should I say, but I'm not I'm not living in simply dying. Even when I was little I felt like no one loved me but my mother always said it was all just in my head. I knew it wasn't, I knew when I was older I needed to search for my Prince Charming to love me, that's all I craved when I was little, love. As I approached my teenage years I realised that I didn't need love, true love doesn't exist, you love your family and you profess love for different objects, but that is a completely different kind of love, you don't depend on anyone for that, you learn that eventually you are gonna lose some family members, but that's life, why make someone your whole world knowing that they could leave you at any second, why add extra hurt, when you can simply go without it. I am, in a way, like broken glass. It has tiny bits of pieces that will fly every where and is very hard to stick back together, but if you ever bother fixing it, it will take awhile to mend but it will never be the same, as the cracks will be visable and it won't be able to hold any sort of liquid. Kinda like me I will never be useful in anyway! I will never fulfil a purpose just like the broken glass.