Love story

21

Author note: This chapter is a bit sadder but don't worry- it'll get better in the next chapter ;)

"Toby! The baby is crying!"I yelled, shoving papers into my bag.
"Can't you do it?" Toby's voice was thick with sleep,
"Nope. Places to be." I shouted back into the house as I shut and locked the door, my bag in one hand and a flask of hot coffee in the other. I jumped into the taxi which I had booked for every weekday this month.
"Hey Terry," I smiled, putting my seatbelt on and taking a sip of coffee,
"Morning Spencer, how are you today?" He said as he pressed the accelerate button and switched on the radio. We drove in silence like usual. I arrived at work half an hour early and walked into my office. I opened my briefcase and took my papers out. My first patient was a fifteen year old girl called Amy, she had depression.

There was one huge beanbag chair, an armchair, an ordinary wooden chair and a large sofa. Amy always sat on the wooden chair. I asked her if she wanted anything to drink and I made her a hot chocolate and myself another coffee. We chatted for a while, about small things like what she did last week and what the weather was like.
"Why do you sit in that chair?" I asked, making sure to look directly into her eyes when I spoke to her as she always tried to hide her face and I wanted to see her expression. She shrugged in response to my question. Then, when I didn't continue speaking, she looked at me.
"Because I like this chair." She said quietly,
"Why?" I asked, not taking my eyes off hers. Making a mental note of her movements and expressions, there was a long pause.
"My dad always used to sit on one like this. I guess it makes me feel close to him. I didn't get to say goodbye or thank you or I'll miss you or anything like that. He was just sat there on his wooden chair one minute and gone the next." She was still looking down at her hands, biting a nail on her left hand

"I have an idea," I smiled " come over here and sit next to me," she got up hesitantly and took a seat at the other end of the large grey sofa. "I want you to imagine that your dad is here. Sat right there on that little wooden chair." I took her hand, "You're about to have the chance to say goodbye," She didn't look convinced so I let go of her hand and nodded, "In your own time." This was something Hanna had done with Dr Sulivan and she said it had been helpful when she thought that Alison was dead.

"Hi dad." Amy's voice was small, "I miss you." She paused and turned to look at me, "This is stupid. I'm not gonna talk to a chair. My father isn't sat in that chair because he's dead. He's freaking dead ok and I'm never gonna see him again. Ever. And one day I'm not even going to be able to picture him in my head because memories are going to fade wether I like it or not. Talking to a freaking chair is not going to make up for that." Tears were streaming down her face at this point and I let her cry a little. Sometimes it's good to cry.

After that session Amy's mother was furious with me for making Amy cry. I told her that it was a good thing because I got her to open up about her feelings but she didn't listen and she said that she wanted her money back for that session. I refused to give her the money back and she almost caused a scene. By the time I got home that evening I was tired and annoyed and hungry because I'd missed lunch that day. I opened the door clumsily and dumped all my bags on the kitchen counter, my empty flask rolled off the table and made a loud bang as it hit the floor. Poppy's cry boomed through the hallway.
"Are you kidding me right now Spencer?" Toby walked into the hall shaking his head "I just got her down!"
"Calm down Toby she's a baby. Of course she's going to cry!" I really didn't have time for Toby being mad at me, "will you please just go and see her?"
"You've got to be joking!" He almost shouted turning around and going into Poppy's room. I'd started to unpack my bag when Toby walked back into the hall a few minutes later.
"Spencer I can't keep doing this." He sounded so distant,
"Doing what?"
"Everything Spencer. Everything. I'm doing everything!" He was moving gradually closer to me as he was speaking and I didn't recognise his tone. It was so harsh.
"You have not done everything! I do loads around this house!"
"Are you joking!? You leave for work ridiculously early and you come back so late at night! I am here all day every day with our daughter. Don't you think I want to go out and do something with my life? You don't even seem to realise, you just come in making noise and waking Poppy up. I'm your boyfriend Spencer not your nanny. You don't even care,"
"Toby you know that's not true,"
"I need some time Spencer, I'm going to stay with caleb for a few days, I have to think about some things" His words felt like needles jabbing my heart,
"Toby you don't have to do that we can talk about this!"
"Yes I do." He said as he walked out of the door and closed it quietly behind him.

I stood in the hall staring at the door for a few minutes. Shocked. Then, I put away all of his things that he'd left around the house and I got into bed and cried. Because even when someone breaks your heart you still love them with every broken piece of it.