Love story

42

I drove Poppy to one of her friends' houses, her mother had agreed to for Poppy to stay with them for a couple of days. Then, I made my way back to the hospital.

I could almost hear my heart beating in my chest as I stood in the lift, shifting my weight from one leg to the other.

It was much later now, about 9:00pm, an hour before Toby's operation.

When I walked into the room Toby was sleeping. I sat down quietly by his bed. I placed my hand gently in his, careful not to wake him, and sat with him for a while. Just watching him sleep.

This could be the last time I ever see him sleeping.

Half an hour later his eyes opened,
"Hey sleepy," I smiled, giving his hand a squeeze.
"Why didn't you wake me?" He said as he sat up. His sleepy voice made me smile.
"You looked so peaceful, I just wanted to watch you for a while, whilst I have the chance to..." I trailed off,
"It's ok Spence, I think we need to talk about that. We've been putting off this conversation for weeks." He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and placed his hand in mine.

"I know," I said, "I'll start."
Toby nodded and kissed my forehead.

"I'd love to think that this time next week we'll both be cuddled up on the sofa in front of the TV."  I spoke slowly and carefully, I wasn't going to let myself cry. "But we both know that this time next week you might not even be here, and I honestly don't have a clue what I would do without you. Absolutely no idea."

I could feel tears burning in my eyes but I blinked them back.

"Toby these could be your final moments and I want them to be perfect. I love you, so so much, and I know you love me too. I can feel it in your fingertips when you brush the hair out of my face and lean in to kiss me. You make me smile so hard that my cheeks hurt." My voice cracked and a tear ran down my cheek.

I laid my head on Toby's chest and I felt the warmth of his arm as he put it around me.

"I need you Toby." I sobbed, "please don't die, you can't die, you can't."

My tears pooled on his chest making the fabric of his hospital gown soggy.

Toby lifted my chin with his little finger.
"Spencer if I do die today I'm gonna die happy. Look at everything that I've accomplished, everything that we've accomplished! I have a nice house, a good job a beautiful daughter and the best wife that anybody could ever ask for. I've been so blessed and we have more than our fair share of incredible memories."

"Ok Toby it's time," A voice interrupted him. "I'm going to need you to finish off this conversation and then lay back in the bed." Two nurses stood at the edge of the bed.

Without even thinking I lunged towards Toby and felt the warmth of his lips on mine for what could have been the last time.
"I love you," I whispered.
"I love you," He whispered.

And I watched, with an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach, as he lay back in the bed and the two nurses wheeled him off down the brightly lit hospital corridor.