CHAPTER 16
Not realizing that the person you once weren't attracted to is now in your head 24/7. Realizing every perfection, and imperfection and just adoring it. That's the positivity of falling in love. Feeling their touch, hearing their voice, talking to them, was just your yoga. Everything about them is perfect in your mind. Life is just great around them. Being around them just makes you more of a happy person. Being around them just makes them the better you. It changes you a little, it distracts you a little, but it doesn't matter to you cause you're so caught up with how much you're in love with them. The quote "Love is blind" fits in this situation. Everyone loves the feeling of being in love, but no one realizes that it gets in the way when you're really motivated and had dreams you wanted to succeed but now you can't cause life has changed. This certain person that came in your life, has suddenly changed it in so many ways.
From my experience, it hasn't distracted me until my recent boyfriend. Loving someone so much kind of makes you fall off track. Caring so much for someone and worrying for them sometimes make you forget about yourself. It's true, but in this situation you have to realize that you have to take care of yourself too.
He's the drugs that I'm addicted to. I need to be consuming his presence to be happy. Which sucked. Because if we broke up I'd be depressed and miserable. I sometimes thought about that. I haven't been so in love with someone. There isn't anything good about this guy, he's dangerous, he likes danger. He wasn't the most attracting guy, but I liked his personality and how he talked. I liked how he talked to me, and how he made me feel. The butterflies when he touches me, the thoughts he brings in my head, just thinking about spending the rest of my life with him made me so happy.
Things in life suddenly became so blind and my eyes were mostly focused on him. Goals suddenly became just "dreams" and success wasn't anywhere near my presence. Things needed to change and habits needed to go away. I wish I was smarter with love. But I'm just a teenage girl, still learning.
Words couldn't describe how I felt when I was around him. Me messing up my words because I was a little shy even though we talked everyday, butterflies in my stomach every time he touched me, my smile when I heard his name... Everything about falling in love was so unrealistic. As if it wasn't real life, it was just a dream I couldn't wake up from. A dream that I was casted in but could never escape, a dream that was not a nightmare.
Falling in love had its ups and downs, but I mostly remember the good feelings it brings upon me. Everyone deserves to be loved.
For hours, or minutes I forgot about how fucked up my life was. Having a stalker that I think is my blood related father, or just having an anonymous stalker that was coming for me. Being in love made me forget about things that made me sad and scared for my life. Feeling love made me forget that things weren't normal. Being with someone made me look at the positive things in life rather then my horror life my mom left me with after her death. Things were tough after she left, and things just got better... I'm just not ready for life to go downhills.
