As the truck drove i felt the road getting bumpier, as if we were at a location with no service. The way the tires jerked every time it hit a bump , it felt as if the road was unfinished/incomplete. Darkness haunted me while I was in the trunk. Thoughts made me fear what was near within a couple minutes, hours, or days. What were they planning to do with me? Where was i? Will i end up surviving? Or will i die? Who were they? Male or female? The suspense killed me. I felt like a creature being held captive. I wasn't sure of who it could be, but many names came to mind. Sadly, but truthfully speaking.
I always thought that I'd be kidnapped. Because of the life I've experienced — lovers, lies, and hate. Many things hit my mind hard. How life had been previously. Starting a new year, cutting people off due to growth, and most importantly letting go of the people I loved the most. I always thought I'd meet the one soon — it's sad to think that I thought every person I had been with was "The one," quote on quote. But this guy, he brung out a different side of me I hadn't even met yet until now. He brung out a side that was fierce, independent, sassy, and a hypocrite. This side of me didn't care about hurting others on the road of loving someone so deeply. I didn't care what others thought or who got heart; all I cared about was our love. The moments we shared together. The moments I regret so much till this day because all he ever did was ruin me. The relationship ended in a result of me ending up depressed and hopeless again. I don't believe in love anymore. I've lost motivation for almost everything. A big piece of me is missing — and it was him. As much as I hate to say it, he was all I needed to continue to be myself. He changed me. He took a piece of me that was the best of me, and that was my happiness and motivation to continue this life I lived. I wanted him so bad, but I can't have him. And that was a choice I made a while ago. They say that a new year opens up your eyes to new chances. And this was my chance to let him go before he destroyed me anymore than he already has. I knew being with him was destroying me as a person. Loving someone so deeply... so deeply that the whole world became a blur and all focus was on that person you loved so deeply.
I liked his personality. Formal yet again mysteriously different. I didn't know much about him. Except his age, background, and the things he told me. It was as if he was a book that had blank pages, and I was slowly filling them out day by day as I learned new things about him.
I wanted more — but he wasn't it. He wasn't the more I wanted he was less. I had standards, and he was way below what I ever wished for.
My mom raised me to be with someone that was religious, humble, educated, and loving. He ticked off most of the points. But there was no sign of love in him overall. And that was all I ever wanted. Chemistry between lovers. We were sexually attracted. But you and I both know how long a sexual relationship lasts— that's right, it doesn't. Because there is no such thing as a "relationship" that only has sexual relations rather then speaking, communicating. Not in a manner of talking about how your day was or what you did within twenty-four hours... it was about the conversation of how you feel inside... what's going through your mind... how do you look at this world in perspective of your beliefs... and most importantly what do you value as a person. That was all I ever wanted. To talk. To feel a connection. But he... was stubborn and protective of his own thoughts. He didn't like showing weakness, which I understood cause I didn't either. But when you love someone so much, you don't care what side you show because you what to give them anything and everything of YOU.
