CHAPTER 15
Yesterday was good I mean I spent the whole day with Wayne and we both adored each other but the feeling of loneliness hit me everytime something reminded me of my mother. I walked down the stairs to the door and opened it. I checked the mail, and there were three letters. All of them had my mother's name on them. I opened them and it said the letter was from her.. It said so many things I've never heard from my mothers mouth but after her death - she decided to tell me everything. Who was my real father, I apparently have siblings, and.. The father I've known all along wasn't even blood related. The pain hit me hard, but not because of the things I just found out.. Because of the letters, me reading it in my mind, and the voice was my mothers voice. Her strong, smooth voice.
After I was done reading all the letters I found out who exactly was the creep I've been getting texts and have been stalked by. It was my blood related father after all. My mom was killed by my blood related father. And maybe I might be next.. I didn't want to die yet, I want to still live and enjoy every moment of my life. I read on but couldn't believe everything at the moment, everything I found out didn't make sense and I wasn't up for finding out new things after such a tragic death.. My life is at a point where I'm confused if I want to be around people or not. I want to be trapped like a prisoner and be left alone, but I do not want to be a criminal, I just want to be in a dark room no matter if I turn insane or not, I was already at the boiling point of it. My friends are scared to be around me and I don't think it would be the best thing to be around anyone else - meaning Wayne. I needed some fresh air, but I didn't want to have the crazy thoughts of suicide. I just wanted to be around people that would understand how I'm feeling and actually listen. People are so into their lives that they don't notice what pain others are going through, they only care for themselves. I thought about going in a group house where one way or another, some one dearly to them has passed away in their lives, I wanted to know how they felt and relate to them as well. But then again I thought to myself that I needed some time to actually take in that this is real life, not a game, and not a waste of my time.
I went to the kitchen and looked away for a second and saw someone. I then double checked and no one was there. I don't know if I was going insane again because I have been crying too much and I am nearly blind. But then I grabbed my phone and a weapon for defense. I walked out of the house and saw someone, his face looked familiar but I didn't quite know his face too much, but I have seen him before. "Hello." The man said. His voice sounded alone but yet very strong and manly. "Hi, do I know you?" I asked him confused. "You already forgot me?" He said laughing. "Well from what I know of, I don't know you at all but your face looks familiar." I confessed. "I am your real Father. Me and your mom.. Actually, can I come in and explain this to you?" He asked. I didn't know what to say then, should I trust him and let him in? Or should I call Wayne and ask him to come? "I actually don't feel comfortable letting you in since I just met you. Maybe we can arrange a meet up and start from there. I don't even know if we're blood related so I'm guessing our first meet up in at the doctors having your blood type checked?" I said informing. "I guess so, I hope we can meet more after." He said and left.
School was the next morning, summer came to an end. I wish it was longer, but no. Good things need to go by fast according to life. I went out the door to go to a close my lake, and just sat there thinking about life. Everything, the water moving was making me feel at ease, as if everything was alright, and nothing could get in my way. Guys were playing volleyball, and checking out every girl that passed by. There were a out 10 - 15 guys, just playing. The thought of school made me feel like to throw up. Starting grade 12 without support, motivation, the boost my mom used to give me. I told myself that I'd have to remember what she'd always say before I went to school.. "Pay attention, and ignore anyone that stands in your way." Wise words, yet so informing. I wish my mom was here so I could show her every mark I got on a test or project.. Anything in general. I just wish I got a heads up on everything before she left, but life is full of surprises. I left the river after everything had been thought of, serious thoughts.
As soon as I reached home I set an alarm for 7:00am. I wasn't planning on getting late. I fell deep into my bed and went in a deep sleep. I woke up with a horrible mood, the horrible mood was giving me anxiety. Would I do my random cries in class? I hated that because after I felt like to go away from every human being. I thought it over, that I needed a pet, something that could keep me entertained and alive. I got ready I walked out the door to Wayne. "Hey, you want a ride?" He asked. "Haha, sure." I smiled at him. He's so kind to me but I never give him credit. I never appreciate something till it's gone. Bad habit of mine. I needed to change for the better, but the better wasn't changing me, something that I realized after a while. I walked into my school and Wayne left me off at my first class. I was walking and noticed this one guy that I'd seen a lot last year. He gave me this weird stare as if I was supposed to say hi or something, but the awkward person I am, I kept on walking. After lunch I had dance, and I was walking to south campus, there he was again. I just looked straight as if I didn't see him at all..
Two weeks went by, and this time I felt someone was staring at me. A guy, with nice light brown hair and blue eyes that you couldn't resist not staring at. He kept on staring and I guess his friends noticed so they looked as well. The next day I was walking to south campus after lunch, I saw the guy with blue eyes and light brown hair. He looked right into my eyes and smiled. He looked at me from bottom to top and smirked. I liked his smile. It was cute, generous, and sweet. His smile didn't go away, he was the new crush.
