Silenced (A Loki fanfiction)

Chapter 10

Leidi

He was thankful. He said it to me. He was thankful for my company. Well, he thought it. I can't believe what I've gotten myself into.

I should've stayed put. I should have heeded Thor's words. And yet, I regret nothing. I lean the back of my head against the cell wall.

It's very lonely here. I have Loki to talk to, but it's not the same as having someone around.

I press my lips together and resurface the memories of my dream. I felt each poke and each tug as I remembered how Thor stitched my lips.

I remember Loki screaming and struggling. Yelling for them to stop. Yelling for me.

I imagine as if I can't open them. And I don't. I can feel what he did. The helplessness. The silence. It eats away at me.

It kills me. I lean my head back. No matter how much Loki assured me, I'd be alright, I couldn't believe him. I can't fuel myself with false hope.

I can't fuel him with false hope. I'm to be executed in 3 days. I'm to be free of the world only to experience temporary happiness.

Then another memory resurfaces. It never happened. It was a dream. But he made it happen. He controlled it from afar. Every movement.

I remember how he leaned down and pressed his lips to my own. The passion burning in his eyes. But did he mean it?

He did stab me right after. But it wasn't necessary to kiss me like that. He could've shown me false trust in another way. But instead...

I swallow the rest of the thought. He couldn't have meant it. I'm not the kind of girl men fall in love with. I can't imagine myself with anyone. I'm never good enough.

I wish I was pretty. I wish I was likable. I probably was bothering Loki with my presence. That's why he was warning me off.

As much as this thought hurts me, it's most likely true. Tears spill out of my eyes. But I make them stop. I think of how I'm gonna leave this world.

Unloved. Unfulfilled. Used and broken. Unimportant. A toy. I curl up in the ground and face the wall and cry myself to sleep.

Loki

I can't sleep. Not when Leidi is in danger. No matter my mother's reassuring words, I can't seem to be comfortable with the idea of Leidi in a cell.

She should have befriended someone else. Found someone that's good for her. One who will stand by her.

I can't stand by her. I can't even get to her. I just want her to skim my stitches once more with her thumb. I want her to take my face in her hands one more time. I want her to tell me it's alright. To tell me I'm worth something.

I want her to comfort me with her words in my head. I want to reach out with my mind again. But she could be asleep.

I lean my head against the wall. I lift it and relax it again. I bang my head in a steady pattern.

I stop eventually. How would she react to me hurting myself? She'd never accept me. But then, she already has.